Notes To Myself : Freedom Within Walls

I've always found myself surrounded by situation where I remain aloof from the people meant to be with me for the whole life. This situation inevitably forced upon me for a simple reason of my constant guard of my self-prestige. I do not blame any one else as such since everyone of us made in manner that we are bound to act differently. As far as I see, nobody in this world is wrong, by most, they can be uninformed. Uninformed of the fact that the other is & being uninformed does not makes anyone at the wrong end.

Trying to be fixated, I would add that we are after all human beings which makes us susceptible of making errors. To err is human.

Prima facie, freedom never comes in cheap. I had fought all my life to maintain this freedom some time with my near ones, some time with myself. I always hated any imposed ideology as it was never mine nor I had cultivated it. In fact I am allergic to any kind of ideology. This made me to wage into an unannounced war. I've reacted some time sharply & some time silently in a feat to defend my self. Later on, I got used to it & now I enjoy when others try to school me in the ideology that they believe to be true unknowing of the fact that after all it's imposed.

Humorous Mark Twain writes in his auto biography one of the most golden words I ever came across. Regarding freedom he says that the only cost of freedom is loneliness. With the passage of time I found this to be correct. The more lonelier I got, the more free I was. But this loneliness does not mean the physical aloofness from the world that we live in. I don't what it was Twain but for me it simply is aloofness in total; mental, physical & spiritual. Funnily I experienced increasing attachment with the world with increasing aloofness. This may seem idiotic but it's not.

I live my life in my own temperament, trying my best to disallow it to stretch more than a single moment. Moment is the only life I live. Interestingly, others live to die, where as I live to live another moment.