Self portrait : charcoal on paper...cant say but I look sad...I burnt it later on.
light the candle & the darkness will vanish

These crazy color makers make such color that it doesn't washes off easily. Just this evening, with left over colors, I jumped into my club's swimming pool. Posthumous discovery - water is now a little red.
It was so abso-f**k**g-lutely awesome. At least now all the colors on me is washed.
Holi is over.

On The Festival Of Colors : The Song Of Holi

तन्तु - प्रेरित गात्र हैं हम,

एक पुतले मात्र हैं हम,

इस जगत की नाटिका के -

क्षणिक भंगुर पात्र हैं हम,

इसलिए हर भूमिका में,

रंग भरे हम भूमिजा मे,

बन सके निरपेक्ष,

तो फिर ,

क्या दुआ क्या बद्दुआ है,

लग रहे हैं समय-बाधित,

आप अपने से पराजित,

चलो आज तम तो भगाएं,

रंगों का धुआं उडाये,

चलो आज होली मनाएं

The darkest corner of soul

It was exactly when the thoughts started to bleed & the emotions started to melt, evaporating an uncanny pungent smoke of barbarism - a seven year old boy somewhere near Delhi was burned alive a few days back by some savages. The reason stated behind so far is that boy was asking them to compensate for his cycle that got broken by their car.

If the human life is this cheap, not even worthy enough of the cost of bicycle then the breed of homo sapiens haven't achieved anything in the due course of its two million years evolution. Violence is being enjoyed. The media using it as mantra these days plying the viewers with a eight foot tall Indian man who is wresting in the land of uncle Sam; I am told his name is Khali & he is adding into the nation's prestige.
Paraphrasing in Thoreau's word - 'truth rather than fame & money', it uncovers the veil that humans of this century wears of being civilized. Nevertheless, the definition of civilization is changed, where the cravings of violence is quenched by not only in practice but also in viewing. The rumble is as much enjoyed in witnessing as in acting.
We are descendants of animals & we always are an animal.

On Women's Day

"Your wives are as a soil to be cultivated unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will"
(Kuran 2:228)
Ibn Ma`sud reported from the Messenger of Allah who said, "A woman is like a private part (sex organ). When she goes out (walking) the devil casts a glance at her (in lust)."
(Al Hadis, Vol 2, p. 692)

"They [women and Sudras] are debarred ... from being competent students of the Veda" (Taittriya Yajur Veda, quoted in Muir III,p.66)
In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, when her lord is dead to her sons; a woman must never be independent".
(Laws of Manu, V, 147-8).

Adam's role over Eve: "...thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Genesis 3:16)
"And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do." A father could sell his daughter as a slave. Even though a male slave is automatically given his freedom after 6 years, a female slave remained a slave forever.
(Exodus 21:7)


taunt of Mara to the Theri Soma that no woman could reach "the high ground of the wise" because she has only the "two-finger knowledge (dvangulapaññâ)", an allusion to cooking where the consistency of the cooked rice is tested by pressing it between the fingers.
(Sutta Pitaka)

Digambaras Jains believe that women are inherently himsic (which is best translated as harmful). This comes partly from a belief that menstrual blood kills micro-organisms living in the female body.The killing of the micro-organisms is said to show that a female body is less non-violent

The Marxist theory of no government lacks some basic provisions for the protection of women's rights, for example, without courts of law to enforce divorce property settlements women would have no legal recourse.

Women try hard to appear superficial & thoughtless. The most refined stimulate a kind of impertinence.
( Friedrich Nietzsche )

It is clear, then, that the female's role in birth is the material one, that this is to found in the menstrual emission and that the menstrual emission is an excretion.
(Aristotle, The Generation Of Animals, 727b31-34)



"You know, China is a very poor country," Mao said. "We don't have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands."
( As said by Chairman Mao Zedong amid a trade discussion in 1973 with US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger ; document released by State Department's historian office)




The woman had to be made inferior so that man could feel at ease, so that his ego could feel that now there is no competition with women at all. Man has been torturing her for thousands of years. No society in the world has accepted her as equal to man. No culture of the past has given the woman the same respect as it gives to the man. On the contrary, they have all tried to force her into a subhuman existence. And the reason why the woman did not revolt against such things is simple: again, the same motherhood.

“The woman should be given her rights to grow in her own uniqueness, and that will enhance the whole society. It will enhance man too because man begins his life in the woman's womb.”

(Osho, The Book of Secrets)

May the women breaks free of all bondages, theories, dogmas & political ideologies & attain the blissfulness of her womanhood.

Talking about blog, the much converesed subject since Aamir Khan himself started in this business & getting over three thousand comment on his every post. For a celebrity like him the number of comments does not matter. There are few blogs around which needs mention in my this post.
One blog that I am great fan of is that of Amit Aishwarya Jogi's which intelligently bears a title of 1/2 freedoms. His writings has capacity to shape up a book. Genuinely genius. Another, Tushar Waghela who converting his professional faith has changed his blog to one which contains all his work, he is an artist. Dr. Saibel Farishta has been persuaded back by me to blogging space after his early retirement from orkut & blog. Fortunately, he has renounced his retirement & is back in both.

One Ms. Dolly from Delhi owns a beautiful blog in which she pens down her poem. Ms Ujala from Pune has scribbled down something in her newly formed blog. More awaits.
But one blog is invisible these days. Ms Rainy Chawla had all the content to to write one of the best blogs around. Sad that she doesn't wants to write. But I can see that she started to move her pen & even started to paint, her blog showing the latest entries. & as the Latin phrase puts - cetera desunt - the rest are missing.

I cant sleep these days. The whole night passes by watching the ceiling. No trace of sleep & lot of thinking. Sometimes I see the morning light trying to pierce into my room from the dark paned window before going to sleep. I feel that I am becoming over ambitious these days. Just dreaming with my eyes open of what I want to be. Its enough to vacate any trace of sleep from my eye-lids. I feel that Alfred Adler's complex theorem (superiority & inferiority) has taken over me.
The most precious thing that I lost in growing up is sleep. I cant even remember how I slept when I was few months old ; nobody does. It seems to be a forbidden story. Something that went past ages ago.
I should be living what I am right now instead of thinking of what I am going to be.

'I should be writing a book'- this thought lingered my mind from couple of years. I decide to make it happen now. Yes, I have started writing a book, a collection of short stories. Until then, I have decided not to read any more books, not for the risk of influence as I have never been influenced by any book or person. Just basically for, that either I read or I write.
The time seems to have come for a book to take shape. The title is yet undecided.

May the light of heaven,
Always fall on your head,
May you be true,
Being righteous instead,
May you seek the joy of joys,
& be deaf to whoever annoys,
May you be what you are to be,
Like the Moon shining on the sea,
May you never walk,
On the others chalk,
For it is always humane
To create one’s own way,
& never be afraid,
for the price to pay,

May when you when you see a flower,
May when you feel the first monsoon shower,
May when you see the sky with stars,
May when you see the full moon,
& the sunlit afternoon,
May when smell the morning breeze,
& the infant sun draws you to a geez,
May when your eyes meet the roses,
& the skyline where this earth closes,
May when you lie on grass,
May when you see the evening sky like brass,

You become one with them all,
& may you always smile,
& never be unplayful,
May you can dance & jump like an elf

May for the whole life,
You can celebrate yourself

इनसे बनता है मेरा भारत

Bye Bye Humpty Dumpty

Hi blog,

Fare you well 2007, the year really deserved it. It was a topsy turvy ride all year round producing mixed results for me. On the better side I started my steel mill, after a long wait of fifteen months. On the worse side I have added a lot of weight. Sad.
But when everything has calmed down I decide now to put off this unwanted fat. On the question of weight gain I must add that i was huge of nearly ninety kg some six years back. Fortunately I came to my senses & reduced it down to sixty seven kg taking almost one & half years. My inspiration being the fruits of young age that I dearly wanted to enjoy. Dear blog, I hope you understand what I mean...lol.
In present day status I am seventy six kg, much of which is the result of my laziness. Anyway, have got to get down to sixty six , a steep decline of ten kg. How is this possible you ask my dear blog. I will tell you how.

There are few golden rules that I followed while reducing my weight a few years back. Dear blog, just take notice.

.The first & foremost rule is dieting. No weight loss can be achieved without proper dieting & when I say dieting my dear blog it does not mean that one has to starve. No, not at all. Its a myth that if one will eat less one will loose weight. On the contrary, if one is eating less the human body following its primitive tendency (don't forget that our ancestors lived in jungles & caves & were dependent upon hunting for food. So, the human body possesses those genes that deliberately store the fat, just in case the hunting expedition wasn't successful for two-three days) stores the fat instead of utilizing the food in form of energy. Dont get surprised my dear blog, its not how much you eat but its what you eat. So, the first rule is eating six meals a day or eating after every three hours & to avoid the fat three portions out of these six should & only should be fruits. The rest three are breakfast, lunch & dinner. Easy. In this way the dieter cant be vitamin deprived. Thanks to fruits.

.The second thumb rule is not to stuff oneself while eating breakfast, lunch or dinner. I have found that Indian meal plan is full of fats & carbohydrates & if one takes no notice of what to eat its very easy to become obese. So, one should either eat only chappati or rice. Never a combination of both. Its really suicidal when my dear blog one is trying to loose weight.

.Thirdly one should always try to eat dinner as early as possible. This makes stomach empty by the time one sleeps & calorie is burned while sleeping also. Thats a real fact.

. Now comes exercise. There is a myth that if one works hard in gym or cardio machine then one will loose weight. Mind it my dear blog, exercise only speeds up the metabolism but dieting is the only thing that makes us lean & thin. But exercise cant be ignored as it shapes up the body. I work on three day split training. It means three days cardio (jogging, cycling, swimming) & the rest three days muscular exercises. I do this in alternate way mixing up both. But this is not necessary for everyone. A five day cardio training is enough for a healthy weight loss.
But the duration of exercise should never ever exceed thirty minutes because after that body starts burning the valuable protein for energy resulting in muscle loss. Yes my dear blog thats why the marathon runners are so skinny. I have found that interval training system is best for cardio exercises. It really boosts the metabolism for twenty four hrs. Yes thats true.
This is a sample interval training plan for tread mill users & can be used by anyone.

5 min warm up at the speed of 4 km/hr
2 min light jog at the speed of 6 km/hr
1 min running at the speed of 8 km/hr
now this 2 min & 1 min completes a cycle. This cycle should be repeated for at least seven times that means 21 minutes of sweat breaking workout.
After this 4 min of cool down at the speed of 4 km/hr

Total time 30 min . Yippee !

Dear blog this training system has helped me burn more calories than running continuously of 45 minutes. The reason is simple, it keeps that heart rate (no of times a heart beats in a minute) to 50-60% of its efficiency. The range which burns fats. The higher range burns protein. One can calculate one's heart rate by this formula 220-your age. This is the highest number of times a heart can beat. In my case my heart rate is 220-27 = 190. So my target heart rate should be 50-60% of it & that is 97 - 117. Simple.

Another thing, I try taking a lot of protein in my diet. The most abundant source is egg white while the yolk I always throw because its all fat. I also take fat free protein drink right after my workout, the time when the body needs its most. The reason behind more protein intake is that our muscle are all made of protein & more muscle one have more calorie one will burn.

Most important I drink at least 10 glasses of water.

So, this is all the secret behind a healthy fat loss, my dear blog. I hope to see my self 10 kg lighter in next few months. Until then, I fast to feast.

The Nano Effect & The Rice Defect

The year 2008 enters with strong buzz in its first month with Tata's world's cheapest car 'Nano', which unwillingly created a race for its viewers during the Delhi Car Expo, resulting in lathi charge by police. The dream car with a price tag of Rs 1 lakh seems to have fulfilled the Indian dream (much similar to that American dream) to have owned a car by each middle class family. Thus, India enters into new era, the era of Nano.
Also, the tiny of state of Chattisgarh comes into light of sight with the Govt's politically ambitious announcement of offering rice to its poor people at the cost of Rs 3 per kg. The inauguration was done in style, attended by many VIPs, & road blocks. Thanks to the Govt for two reasons - to bringing into attention to Delhites of this tiny state & moreover for the remembrance of its poor people albeit after four years. The state assembly election standing at the corner of this year explains all the ethics behind this. Whats never been mentioned in this program was the question 'why not four years earlier'. Retrospectively glanced, the much debated anti naxal 'Salwa Judum' movement was also initiated in the same style by the same Govt. some three years back. The consequence was the amount of innocent deaths in three years surpassing the figures of last twenty years.
Putting into Putin's bifurcation of weak & strong Govt, it seems an obvious inquiry that is this Govt really able to handle such programs which eventually leads the people of state into more chaos.
Corrupted to its roots, the state public distribution system will be responsible for the distribution of Rs 3 per kg rice to its rightful but I suppose this is not going to happen even if we have lived in the age of Ramayana. The ration shops are the center of black marketing, sparing not even the kerosene oil (although they undergo some chemical process of changing the oil color from blue to white) & the sugar which yields much profit in the open market. Within the hands of these ration shops, the rice is gold at the price of Rs 3 per kg, paving way for black marketeers to earn profit in millions while the people for whom rice is meant will have to wait in just another queue. Their disappointment will be added in tonnes.

The gap between Rs 1 lakh & Rs 3 is mathematically great but it isn't when comes to common human desires. Nano means dream come true while Rice at Rs 3 per kg means hunger quenched. Driven by these meager desires, the humanity have been promised of platonic life from ages, unfortunately every such promise has lead (not only French) it to guillotine.
& on the subject of dignity I must add that if & only if the rice 'to be sold' is available only for this year whence the new Govt takes charge next year, one must think before-hand instead of voting for any Govt who acts only in its final year.

World's greatest singer : Watch it till end !!!

a mari usque ad mare

Just as such, this blog no more caters my paintings (a recently adopted métier of mine) , much of the past space has been occupied by writings. As the Latin phrase puts a mari usque ad mare : from sea to sea , I turn my paintings to another newly formed blog. & thus the justification has been done since I find an abyss between both medium ; the paintings & the writings. Both reach out in their own way so best both should be tamed differently. I beg the readers to suggest me the title of this blog, although at present it bears a blur title, the best I could think of Canvas & Colors.
In future I request the readers to log on to this blog for my paintings.

http://www.tonitiwari.blogspot.com/

Oil On Canvas : Self-Portrait

Oil pastels on canvas

Oil On Canvas

(24"x30")





(24"x30")

Acrylic On Canvas

My first attempt on canvas with acrylic colors

When the Stars fall down on the Earth & the Moon sleeps : the sleeping baby & the singing mother

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang : Snowy Soul

Approximately after ten years I return to Himalayan hills, en-route to queen of hills Shimla, in the midst of chilling night, partly warmed with car-heater, indulging in conversation with driver to feed my boredom which started with about his whereabouts & ending in world politics. Ten years-a long period for a change, yet the Himalayas, from where I left it-Ranikhet in Kumaon hills in Uttranchal to Shimla on the other side of this mighty range, remains unchanged. Whilst looking for the change in the shadows of hills in the dark night I inquired into myself; I also remain unchanged. My flight from teenage to late twenties may have hiked my body through several alterations but still something inside remains untouched. "Should I take some anti-vomit pills ?" was the thought that frequented my mind whenever I used to enter the turning roads hills. I observed that thought coming again.
There is some connection between mighty Himalayas & my soul, just a glimpse of them makes me feel so inferior. The tireless false ego somehow starts to vanish, letting me to fall into depth created by these giant mountains.










Writing this, I sit in my hotel room, the snow fall visible from window. Snow god welcomed me by throwing small cotton balls like snow into my world, making me struck into struggle between body & heart. My heart wants to leap on the snow & play with it while my body encountering this idea. In anyway, I know that my heart will win eventually as I myself stand on its side, I always have.

For me at least, always, nature has evoked something in me that even I never figured out. Sartre with all his wit, shouting inside me - other is hell, & then getting disappeared with rest of thoughts. Coming in close proximity with nature has made me lonelier, & most important much calmer.
I, with mighty Himalayas & cotton like snow, feel much more like a human instead of gods, closest to my basic nature. These hills speak, trying to touch me with their pine tree like hands & squeezing me to the utmost state of being where neither happiness nor sadness exists. I take back my'self' from here instead of memories, learnt the art of drinking Zen tea.
The only word that I can give to this wild eruption is 'love'.