Let me sleep on it

Aha!!! I return to blogging after a long time. Seems my mind went on a writer's block, few may differ on it, for them it still is..hahahaha..
On a serious note, its been really long..my words have faded down yet the lustre still remains..I maintain once again a long back broken promise - will try keeping the blog update..seriously I will..
Until then, let me sleep on it..
:-)

Writeup for and of an artist

(A short writeup-cum-account-cum story that I wrote for my friend Tushar Waghela, an international artist about his latest & striking series 'The Land Series', in which on behalf of the artist I have tried to pen down into words what he has painted)


What is Art to me? Excusing myself from the lingual limitations I found the most appropriate singular word in Igbo: Chi – Personal God. Browsing through my previous, the acute adoration of Chi lands this time in my present series, undoubtedly delivering a sermon that humanity has opted not listen deliberately. The present series is based on my native land: Bastar since it falls on artist to paint what he sees. Everything is sold on a stamp paper, the currency becoming crucial than hearts, thus reminding of an age-old tale of Faust selling his soul to the Devil for diabolical favors. & the outcome – nature taking revenge-global warming, floods, earth quakes, worst – detachment of a farmer from his land where his ancestors found treasures. This series is denotation of a farmer whose isolation in desperation resulting out of his misery while his green land converts into huge masses of metal industrial structures. Nevertheless, here, I have painted the farmer out of bounds of gender & species, for when misery is in question any biological bound is insignificant. By every means I have tried to keep up the aesthetic standards in these paintings, reminding ourselves that ugliness disguises as beauty. Stamp paper on background was essential as in my land it symbolizes authority. With this vicious authority not only farmer is ripped off his land but also nature isn’t spared, ah! The lotus still blossoms yet the despotic fingers made the grounds unavailable.

Within & without, I must say that this series, before wrapping every corner of canvasses, bred inside me, respired with me, ah! What bliss, ah! What an agony.

Today, when we have started to move in the reverse direction, when we immoralists especially are trying with all our might to remove the concept of guilt and the concept of punishment from the world and to purge psychology, history, nature, the social institutions and sanctions of them, we have started an absolute opposite movement, both in ourselves & in the world, materializing even the non-matter into currency notes & coins. Let us again remember the etymology of art: love of wisdom whence reminded from Heraclitus’s doctrines of - tap anta rei – everything floats- who accustomed modern man to the idea of becoming & if everything evolves, then truth cannot remain a frigid fossil.

Yet everything floats but today the direction has become much more relevant, man is already pursuing the idea of becoming but what – creator, keeper or destroyer?

In an attempt to escape from this rampant aestheticism & recapture the binary illusion/truth, art is what now sustains the metaphysical condition which has become viable only by means of art: this being the only non-illusory condition & the idea in art rests in its ability to create new forms, newer idea thereby signaling the possibility of non-existent. But what claims to base its foundation solely on grounds of objective truth? What else the biggest deception of them all: Greed.

My vocation is to try & make art accessible because I believe that this is the way of coming in touch with the well spring of your own being, where God is…all experience of art becoming experience of God, an unconscious exercise in metaphysics.

Truth is a mobile army of metaphors, metonyms and anthropomorphisms – in short, a sum of human relations, which have been enhanced, transposed & embellished poetically & rhetorically, and which after long use seem firm, canonical & obligatory to us.

I have tried to paint this truth.

Finishing, the world around us is changing, for good? ; will always be answered by the generations to come while we will be unavailable to witness that answer; the race against time for money & worldly desires will in end take us back from where we started while I am sure that nature will take it’s own course.

The land series of mine was a simple deliverance of this message.

My Anonymous Diary Pages : A Glance On A Personal Level

November 1st 2008

Mind is the biggest trickster, it plays such tricks that it puts me off to sleep within a moment. To counter the observation it has brought from its deep levels a very disturbing memory of past, to be precise something from 6 years back. I got entangled & at once lost my control, getting identified with it. It exploded, bombarded & created a gap. It was till today afternoon until I realized that I am merely judging & trying to run from it. Acceptance must be the key. The sleep was occupied with disturbing images & dreams. It was half past twelve until I woke up, feeling very exhausted in the body.

Right after lunch when I lied down again to meditate, the same thought chased me up & down, finally popping like a bubble when I faced it, embraced without any prejudice, unconditionally & completely. It was a glorious moment, while my observation rejuvenated with new energy & I was merely looking at the world outward & inward. Something was happening which led me to know that separation between mind & matter, the body & the world is an illusion. The flame burns still. The observation continues of this feel too, for there is no junction I should stop.

November 2nd 2008

The mind is filled with constant conflict & I can sense it. The embrace of the pleasant memories & the run from the sorrow continues. This creates what in real & complete sense can be called as conflict. The mind is living, breeding & functioning in this conflict. ‘What is’ is nowhere to be seen except for a few glimpses every now & then. These thoughts, pleasant or sorrowful, have determined & shaped my life till now. The narrow boundary in which my mind has functioned is trying its best to be narrower, compacter, persuasive. ‘I am fed up with my sadness & I want to observer the mind to make it completely thoughtless’ is also a thought & this is one of the biggest trick mind is playing. I, very sleepily, chase & settle with these kinds of thought while running from all the memories which have made me sad in past. This conflict must end. Either both stay or both should vacate. I have to be tremendous, I have to be awake.

November 4^th, 2008

My walks are getting beautiful everyday. As I was walking in the neon lit half empty streets, a group of children were running, shouting, playing hide & seek, a lady grumbling at her husband for not helping her pick the heavy carton of ration, a girl & a boy riding on a bike, moving silently, they seemed to be in love. Love is a dangerous thing. If not understood correctly it brings sorrow & discontentment. It needs grounds to flower deep within while expectations, desires & possession readily & instantly decay it. I was watching my mind. All the thoughts were screened. How brutal I have been, not only to myself but also to the people. I have acted on these petty thoughts & in return made my life petty.

In night, mind erupted & responded with violence. It is not prepared to go without fighting. A thought appeared – what the hell is all this I am doing. I looked. Mind with its quiver full of thoughts creates a conflict between ‘what is’ & ‘what should be’. In this vicious conflict we all exist. I slept late for there was no sleep. Mind was clear now & now I can see.

November 8th 2008

Effortlessness & awareness are synonyms. For a complete awareness there should be no efforts from one’s side. The very effort simply points that there some aim in mind that one is following. But in the fullest view of paradox, to be effortless one has put all the efforts; leaving not even a single effort should be left. I am aflamed.


Why there is so much passion to achieve something? Why everyone wants to be everyone’s ideal? Why do we want to be become like some else, to be inspired by someone, to follow & make others follow? Why don’t we remain what we are?

November 11th 2008

To say it is to spoil it. I am alert in all the movements, be it of body or of mind. The seeking without any desire for result brings extreme bliss. The desire in itself determines the hopes for future while there exists such a state in which neither one is hopeful nor hopeless for hopelessness simply means frustration coming out of incomplete hopes.

We were talking for almost half an hour on phone & he was just complaining all the time. There was nothing good going on according to him for there were no good people around. The point of conversation kept shifting from one person to another while he was acutely pointing out the anomalies. This was character reading according to him which was the outcome of hours of time he spent on self-analysis.

Isn’t self-analysis another way to conceal ourselves though beautifully? The mind which creates problems later on analyzes self & thus comes out the contradiction in behavior, thought & action. This pattern of mind must be understood not by thinking but by the very observation of thinker & thought.


(For the first time in blogging, I did something different. I post here my few diary entries for a single reason that Wittgenstein once wrote - that which can be said cannot be shown. I request readers not to take it as some kind of mystical experience for it is not. Rather it is a simple inquiry into one's own mind)

Reflections On Deeds : Living Without Images

The evening sun was just few inches above the horizon, getting dimmer. The sea was calm, the waves weren't exactly roaring, instead the sound was musical. There were no cauliflower clouds but they were scattered all across the sky like a carpet leaving only the space for the sun to set in. I could see thousands of foot marks on the sand, I wonder, how old they were - days, weeks or centuries ?

He sat beside me, talking business on the mobile & after a while joined me in the gazing of sea. He was young & I have known him from couple of years. His success was seemingly surprising for the man of his age & it poured out of his face too in form of pride. He received pretty good education & was widely read.

He said,'I wanted to talk to you from a while. I have read some of your blog postings & though a bit hesitant at first of opening up myself, I thought to give it a try'.
I looked at him & he was still speaking,'I am not at peace at all. I have achieved quite a good but I can feel unthinkable unsatisfactory state which permanently leads to irritation. I know I am good but I want to be best but concurrently I want to have the mental peace too'.

Why do you want to have mental peace? Why are you making so much a problem out of it?

But I cant sleep well. I ought to have that peace.

Is it not that your constant effort of bringing deliberately the peace is causing a conflict in you ? Can you see it ?

So what should I do to get out of this conflict?

Doing anything will create another conflict, tension within & so forth. Mind is a marvelous instrument but it has to be understood. The constant comparison between 'what should be' & 'what is' creates a kind of pull in different directions & so comes unrest. Listen to this story, right here, right now, very observantly, in absolute honesty, holding no opinion for or against. This in exact sense is called - doing nothing.

But I tell you very truly I don't want to do anything on the expense of my career.

Its a complete myth that you are caught in. I am pointing towards the integration of everything within & without. Not of leaving or holding anything. Not pursuing a certain goal, any desire for some spiritual or mystical experience because that will most certainly create another conflict. I am talking about an awareness which must be totally passive, no more than listening & looking of our outward & inward instincts. I am talking about sitting & doing nothing at all.

Oh! now I got it.

He closed his eyes. The sun was long set & it was getting darker. I looked at his face. He was trying to do nothing. But again trying.

(The blog entries with labels & header 'Reflections' are picked up from my encounter of different peoples. They narrate a story that I have lived thus they are mere investigations & so does not carry a purpose of imposing any idea or convincing anyone)

Reflections On Mumbai Fiasco : The Logic Of Ostrich

November 28^th 2008 5:15 PM

I am agitated today to be called as human. Mumbai is under most ferocious attack, bullets & grenades flying like saucers in all directions, people running for protection & after all this horrific drama we still call ourselves the gem of nature, the most intelligent mammal. The ethical principle - live & let live – is long forgotten & has been taken place by violence & atrocities where blood is considered no better than water. The events from November 26^th till present has made one thing sure that further blood-shed in inevitable, whilst revenge will be the mantra & bullet for bullet will be the only source of satisfaction. But shall not ‘eye for an eye’ will make the whole world blind. It may seem a cowardly writing especially in such time when rages are on fire & the demand for counter-reply can be heard everywhere. I don’t care even if this is taken cowardly & fearful in such a world where being courageous simply means being violent. I mourn for the death of innocents wherever it shall be & I condemn such violence whomever it shall be.

At the time, when I am writing this blog-entry, the terror has come to end. The militants have been gunned down by security forces; over one hundred fifty innocent civilians killed & with them died their dreams, their possibilities & most of all their hearts. They were sacrificed for religious & political ideologies.

I have been asking few since all this drama started that what the final solution of terrorism is. I am not surprised when all the replies I got ended in a big nothing. There isn’t any solution for the simple reason that the problem of terror has never been looked in its perfect & absolute form. This is a political world that we live in & all this dancing on the bloody floor is a part of package. While this is the high time for print & electronic media, blogs & other different sources of communications to investigate, condemn & post-mortem the events. In all this melodramatic thought process the ‘cause & effect’ will be lost, it has always been.

November 29th 8:45 PM

The logic of Ostrich

The ostrich maintains a simple logic – when enemy on sight, bury the head in ground – the enemy that’s not visible is no enemy at all. We often follow the Ostrich’s logic when any event of this sort occurs. Humanity is been so much classified, compartmentalized & divided that on the names of humans only identities appear. Groups & sects have replaced the absolute identical structures & any replacement of this kind has made one thing sure – the clashes between groups.

While answering to my disturbing questions ‘P’ answered that these terrorists have been so badly brainwashed that they just follow commands be it related to violence or anything. But again, aren’t we all brainwashed since centuries. We identify ourselves as Hindus, Muslims or Indians, Pakistanis, Americans & out of this identification we unconsciously make sure that the other group or sect is the enemy & as the age old rule states – everything is fair in love & war – we love the group that we belong to & physically, mentally or spiritually jump into war with another. Killings are licensed & validated for the love of a group or sect.

As the education is made easily available in this & previous century, a new breed of idealism has germinated which claims all humans to be equal & all groups, sects & religion preaching the same thing – peace within humans. They condemn such violent attacks & claim that no religion ever teaches violence. This is brainwashing & sleeping at its height. No one looks or doesn’t want to look at the other side of coin. When all religions are equal then what is the need of so many.

To be continued...

(The above blog-entry isn't meant to cross the limits of anyone's personal identity or freedom. However, I maintain that although bitter & sour, I have tried to bring into light the factual status of recent events rather then reflecting the common notion of condemnation that has been catered to us since ages. Either swallow it or spit it out the taste of truth will remain same. The house that we all live in is on fire & whether we stay in it or get out of it will depend on individual choice. Therefore, the entry investigates rather then imposing any idea. )

जग अभी जीता नही है, मैं अभी हारा नही हूँ

धैर्य रखो
जानो और समझो
हो किंचित भी समय बाधित
हो ना किंतु ख़ुद से पराजित
काल ने जो कुछ चुना है
निशब्द निर्णय जो बुना है
उसे जियो
और पियो
जैसे शिव ने विष-पान किया था
कठोर को कोमल किया था
इसलिए शिव बनो
और धैर्य रखो

खोजो और सींचो
उस गुण-तत्व को
पत्तो से झड़ते अपनत्व को
संघर्ष जनेगी मेधा को फिर
आकाश बनेगा छाती तुम्हारी
प्रेम बनेगा भाषा तुम्हरी
नक्षत्र करेंगे रक्षा पग पग
राह में होंगे तारे जग मग
अपमान 'अब' का
कवच बनेगा 'तब' का
निर्माता का निर्माण हो तुम
तुम में है प्रारब्ध की छाया
बूंदे अमृत की तुम में भी हैं
इसलिए अन्धकार से डरना कैसा
अपने दीपक ख़ुद बनो
और धैर्य रखो

My hands tied while there isn't anything left to do : A prayer in silent