Just Few Words

Today, was a very awkward day for me. Being the day on which Rakhi festival is celebrated nation wide I got unfortunate news of sad demise of one of my friends in a car crash. It took place last mid-night when he was enroute to Jagdalpur.

The whole day my mind was busy in gathering whatever scattered memories of his in the past few days.
What a strange life we live ? No one among is quite sure about his farewell from this world. By the evening my mind eased down a little bit with the help of some distractions.
I wonder how much time everyone is going to take to forget me after my demise. The nearer ones, the longer time.

I came back to my home in night & saw a poor man sitting at my doorsteps. After a little enquiry I came to know that the man has not eaten from two days. I gave him a note of 100 Rs & as I was about to leave my eyes got glued to his face. He was looking at that note as if he has got some kind of treasure.
That note meant food for him. Food, for which he was craving from two days.
This is, what I see, an urge to live. A thirst for life.

One sad demise followed by one’s longing to live.
Today was the day of end of one life in form of a very good man & the birth of new life in the eyes of that poor man.
This day is going to be remembered for a long time.

Is'nt It So ?

Wow! The only word I could manage to say right now. Being a bit crazy. Yes I am.

I used to think myself falling into pieces untill I knew the blah-blah about myself. Right now the moment should have been very grim but alas ! it is not. Why not ? Never mind.

But I enjoyed the whole scene. Being a faithfull aprentice of the life; I concocted it all.

One may want to know what I am talking about. That's irrelevant. What I am right now is of value ( obviously, to me only ).

It's a beautiful life.

Is'nt it so ?

AT MY COST.....

Life is like a school. I heard it many times but recently started living it.
Last evening also came like a lesson being taught to me. A lesson that was much awaited.
Last evening I learned that it is unfair always to be one of a caring nature. Unfair not with others but unfair with ourselves.
For me there is no line between a truth and a lie. In the words of G. E. Moore who is going to judge what is a truth and what is a lie. But in my own words whatever necessary to hear is a truth and what not is a lie. It's quite rational but for me it is true.
For me, any statement coming out of love is a truth and any statement coming out of hideousness is a lie.
If I put it in the words of Herbert Agar," The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear".
I would simply say that which is not prefered to be heard is a lie.
Or in the words of Oscar Wilde," Truth is rarely pure & never simple"
I always lived what I thought about truth and a lie.
But last evening taught me that it's not always good to live what you think. Simple but difficult to digest .
But this teaching has showed me a new way.
A way, to live on my own. Without concerning others but only to concern about myself.
And every time I witnessed such a concern I simultaneously saw a conversion of my own. Obviously in a good sense.
I am reminded Nietzsche once wrote," when one has much to put into them, a day has hundred of pockets".
Mr Nietzsche I have a lot to put so my day do have millions of pockets.
Every day is like a new phenomenon. That is waiting to teach me something and as an obedient and some what unethical student I am always prepared to learn.
Again I am reminded of my dear old and crazy Friedrich Nietzsche. He wrote," Out of life's school of war: what does not destroys me makes me stronger."
I would go a step further. What destroys me also, makes me stronger.

THE FULL MOON....

Tonight is a different night. Tonight it's a full moon night. I saw the moon for a long time. But what I saw filled with an awkward feeling. I saw clouds started covering the moon. After a while it became impossible to see the moon. But I could still see the moonlight.
Is'nt our life the same. Whenever the moon within us is full , the clouds tend to cover it. Last night I was having an interesting conversation with one of my dear ones. For that person ecstasy and blissfulness are mere psychology of mind. I asked that person it would be good if u call sorrows, frustration and regression also psychology. It would be a fair game then.
But for most us sorrow is reality and happiness is a psychology. One may get surprised to know this but it's true.
We live in such a world where if a man who is crossing the road with a smile on face without any reason will be considered crazy by most of the passer bys but on the other hand if the same man is crying hard with loads of tears in his eyes; everyone will think that that guy is in sorrow and everyone will start showing their sympathy.
What a mad world this is, where smile is considered craziness and tears are shown sympathy and respect. Try it if you don't believe.
But I know one day the moon within us will come out of the cloud.
In the mean while the moon over my head has also come out of the clouds. And it's looking beautiful.
Is it good sign ? Let's see.

A THOUGHT ON ANNIVERSARY...

Anniversaries. We celebrate our anniversaries. Birth anniversaries, marriage anniversaries and many of them. We make it an event of happiness. Happiness for one more year completed.
But should we really be happy?
Should'nt we be sorrowful that one more year of our life is passed and we did'nt achieved anything?
This may seem to be a pessimistic idea but this is true.
Looking back into our past one year may fill us with vainty but is'nt this vanity just a kind of consolation.
I don't know of other but I can only speak of myself.
One more year of my life has passed and still I can feel the same emptiness.
Every passing of year comes into the form of anniversary. This anniversy should remind us that our life is too short. We are one more step closer to our death now. So, the time is less. This less time can be made useful. Useful, in the sense that we can be more humane.
Yes, this little time we can devote to fill ourselves with love. To fill ourselves with compassion.
Gurdjieff used to say that it is not necessary that every human being has soul, but every human being has potentiality.
This potentiality can be used and used in good sense.
Every one of us are intelligent but I call those intelligents idiots who use is to make things like nuclear bombs and I call those intelligents wise who use it for the service of soul which eventually results in the service of humanity.
I never find reason for my happiness. Anniversary is a kind of reason for those who find themselves falling short when the question of happiness arises. For some eccentric like me, every day is an anniversary.
So, my dear the clock is ticking. It is in our hand what to be. Think and think deeply.

MY REBIRTH.....

It was difficult. very difficult to die. But I had to if I wanted to be born again. Not physically but spiritually. Still the process is not over. But atleast something within me, which I used to despise has died. Still a long way to go.
G. I . Gurdjieff used to quote an old Russian saying that a hunchback can get straight only in his grave. One has to die to change.
And the process of my birth is going on. I sometime feel that this may be life long process. Let's see. And who cares?

CONFESSION OF A CONFUSEFD PERSON

I know a person. That person is confused. confused b'coz he knows everything about life but does not lives. He simply cannot fit what he knows into what he lives. Shocking it may seem but it's true. From Socratese to Nietzsche , he knows everything. Almost used to read 4-5 books in a week. He loves Zen. He adores Jesus. He practised meditation. And above all, he loves Osho. But today that person is confused. He finds nothing practical in books. Life for him, is beyond philosophies and beautiful quotes. He still gets depressed when is being ignored although he knows about the Diogenesian art of being ignored. He still gets jealous although he knows it's wrong. He still becomes sorrowful although he knows about the zen teachings. I know why ? B'coz that person is living being. He is alive and the teachings are dead.
I know that person. That person is me.
Once again the spider has started weaving a new web. Once again I am trying to pave my own path.
Once again the light is fading and the lamp in my hand is about to loose it's light as the winds are blowing fiercely.
Once again the dance of the fate has begun.
I remember wittgenstein- that which cannot be said , must be passed over in silence.
The silence is already there.
He also said that that which can be shown cannot be said.
I go a step further. THAT WHICH CAN BE SEEN,CANNOT BE SAID.

LIVING THE LIFE

What is life? Most of us will not be able to answer this question. I too cannot answer this question. Life can only be lived and the way one lives it becomes the answer to this question. So, let me talk about the living of life instead. Another question here arises; do we actually live ? Most of the people realise about living when they are in death bed. For example we never know that there is a left or right hand of our's untill we get hurt on them.
Whenever I am in deep conversation with anyone, they start talking about their sorrows. They try to convince that they are in deep sorrow. They try to decorate sorrows also by making them look bigger. Is it not for gain of sympathy? This sympathy becomes food of their ego. This sympathy becomes their worst enemy. It will never let go their sorrows. Once I was sitting with my friends in a restaurant and after a while everyone started talking about their sorrows. Later on a fight broke out between them on the question of whose sorrow was bigger. Everyone was saying everyone that u dont know anything that how worse is my condition.
I was also asked . I simply appologized by saying that my sorrow is very small infront of yours. What else could have I said ? I still wonder.
Life, is like a white canvas. One can paint anything on it. But one should always remember that whatever life one is living it's the way that one has chosen it to be. Nobody else is responsible. And once one accepts the whole responsibility, the conversion begins.
And I am not saying that one should run away from sorrow. This we all do and it never ends. We hug the happiness and try to run away from sorrow. This is not possible. Where there is a day there is bound to be night also. Instead of running one should try to welcome and accept our sorrows without decorating them as a showpiece for the gain of sympathy.
This very life can become a wonderful journey.

A DAY IN A FUNERAL.....

I atteneded a funeral few days ago. I usually avoid going in the funerals. The reason I will state later. But this was the funeral of one of my dear one's father in law. So, just not to be impolite I had to attend it.
But what I saw there was the same scene created in every funerals. Many peoples had gathered, But as soon as the last pooja started everyone sat down in small groups. Everyone talking about everything . I also sat down in one of the groups and started listening. I got surprised when I saw them talking about business, politics, rumours and beautiful girls. I got surprised. They were on the funeral grounds and they were talking rubbish. I visited every group. The same were the talks everywhere. Nobody was talking about the death.
We try to run away from death. We think as if we are not going to die. Talking about other things make us diverted from this eternal truth.
The person who was lying there dead must have also visited many funerals when he was alive. A thought came into my mind. What did this person used to talk when he visited funerals.
I tried to talk to some people about the phenomenon of death. But I was made to keep quite.
After the cremation, two minutes of silence was kept, for peace of the belated's soul. I started looking everyone. Nobody was silent. Everyone's mind was talking. I could easily make out waht they were thinking. One was eager to go home. One was thinking about the money that was promised to come in evening. One was making plans of trip. One was thinking of calling his girlfriend as soon as he get out of here. Nobody was thinking about the death.
I got out after the funeral. My friend asked me why I am looking sad. I told him what I saw. He kept quite. I told him a story. I should write that story here also:-
Once a very rich man visited a famous saint. His very first question was from the saint was that although i have immense wealth, but still I have no inner peace. How to attain inner peace? The saint stared the man for a moment and said leave the talk of inner peace. I can forecast anyone's future by seeing one's forehead. I have seen your forehead also. You are going to die exactly in seven days from now. The man was stunned. Without saying a word he left for his home. On reaching his home he told his family the forecast of that saint. Everyone started crying and that man lied down on his bed. As the days passed the man thought that now I am going to die. So why not forgive everyone who has done wrong with me and why not go and ask forgiveness from them with whom I have done wrong. He started living each day in totality. He started filling himself with love because he thought what's the use of hatred in last days. When the seventh day came he waited to die. But death did not happened. He got surprised. The very next day he went to that saint and asked him why did he lied to him. The saint smiled and said did you found your inner peace or not by living everyday in totality, by filling yourself with love, by making your enemies your friends. The man touched the saints' feet. He had got his answer.
I don't know yet whether my friend understood the story or not. But, after a while he also started talking about business and politics.
I hate to go to funerals.

LOVE : AN EXPERIEENCE, FEELING OR LIFE ITSELF ?

I allow myself to do a nearly impossible task i.e. to define love. Yes, love cannot be defined. But, for some people answers are necessary. So for them I am trying to solve the riddle of love. Although I know I am going to fail.

What is love ? Is it an experience?. No. Then Is it a feeling?. No. then what it is ? It is actually living ( I am not saying life but living). I see so many people around me who don't understand this simple thing and that's why they tend to fall in love and fall out of love. Love cannot be experienced. B'coz experience is a thing of past. It cannot be a feeling either b'coz feelings are too short. Love is just living. But for many of us love is a barter trade system. Give and take. And that's where mistakes begin. Love can only be gived. It does not cares what it is getting in return. I see women seeking love in men and men seeking love in women. They both are empty handed and that's why they don't get anything from each other. One has to be loveable to be in love. And one who is loveable automatically becomes lovely. Why to ask question whom to love ? Just be in love. And one who is just in love does not needs any person in particular. Then, whoever comes into contact of such person gets love only.
Sometimes I have seen few stupids who ask for gurantee and security in love. One thing is sure, love is the most insecure phenomenon in this world. And this insecurity is the whole beauty of love. What is the beauty in secured and certain things ? 2+2 = 4 is secured and certain thing in mathematics. But do any one see any beauty in this? In love 2+2 is not always going to be 4. Is'nt it amazing ?
Love is like a blowing wind. The more one tries to catch hold of it the more 0ne fails. It can only be felt and enjoyed.
I also see some stupids trying to be possessive in love. And when their love fails they start blaming each other. One thing is certain. In love possession has no place. Love is a freedom. Freedom to dance under moon, to sing, to breathe, to live. I am reminded of one of the Nietzsche's qoute, ' what else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives ,acts and experiences otherwise we do...? '
Love is free from every expectation also. Expectations means hopes of future. And love does not knows future.
Love is also free from sorrows or hopes or promises. All these are mere names of our past memories. And love does not know past also.
Love only knows present. And present is living.
In love there is no sadness or happiness. These are mere feelings. These are two sides of single coin. And one should remember if one thinks love as smiles and happiness only , then one is bound to experience tears and sadness. I would better call love as blissfulness , an ecstasy.
I am reminded one of the best sentence about love. Freidrich Nietzsche in his major work wrote, ' Anything done in love, occurs beyond good and evil '.
So, try to live in love, and one can easily understand love.