To Be Or Not To Be ?

Welcome, Amit

You are connected to 59,238,695 people through 119 friends. This is what my Orkut home-page reads. Just looking at the numbers displayed anyone would trust that I am an ace person in making friendship. Well, its partially true. This figure simply suggests the number of people I am acquainted with in the virtual world. The world that we all live in today is fragmented in two equally surviving entities : Virtual & Real. With the advent of cyberspace, along came such virtuality in our lives that we put ourselves distinctively into two separate identities, the pros & cons is yet to be manifested. For an instance, in Orkut itself I have found myself communicating to people who live steps away from my home & with whom my real communication remained infinitesimally small. But in the virtual we have chatted like old buddies. Interestingly, I own a taciturn friend in real world, who likes to maintain silence but in the virtual world his volubility is quite evident from his blog. He writes so many words that he may not be speaking that much in a year. Why to leave the odd, even I have been known to speak as less as possible but the readers of my blog may not agree with me on this (those who don't know me in person). This change of our personality is certainly evident in many ways when we swing from one world to another. We become someone else in the virtual world. All the friendship that we possess in the cyberspace is nothing more than digital, keeping us all connected with each others through Graham Bell's invention : Telephone. Even Marquez's One hundred years of solitude, in which gypsies come with new scientific discoveries to a forbidden village claiming them all to be some sort of magic from the farthest corner of earth, will fall behind this magical cyberspace. Even Dolly the sheep has never been cloned in this way as we clone ourselves in form of various usernames & passwords. Definitely not, this virtual world is no different than real world. Here also exist all sorts of sins which defies the human limit of its reliance on technology. Hunter is being hunted ? Our reliance on modern technology has went to such an extereme that we cannot think to move an inch without it. Ironically, even this blogger needs it to write such comments. Few years back due to some technical problem in main frame computer the whole eastern coast of North America went into dark for several hours, leading the life to make a sudden fullstop. There were no rails, no traffic lights, created such a havoc that it took atleast two days for the system to get normal. Once watching discovery channel, I was duly informed by that electronic medium that US President possesses a red briefcase in which a computer is installed, having all the codes of US nuclear missiles. If some day the President wakes up with a heavy head, gone nuts, he can easily end the existence of humanity in just one click of button. God Bless US President. Digital love Just few months back one of my friend left Orkut for some very awkward reasons. Someone used his photos in an effort to win females in some adult community. Though I managed to catch the culprit, I was shocked, that person has been known to me from quite a few time & he always personified himself as another re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu, never missing a single daily visit to temple. I inquired him why did he did this. His answer was more shocking, Aise hi. Similarly, while surfing along TV channels a few days back, I got hold by the news on some news channel about how a girl is being molested by his unknown Orkut friend. She was under the impression that the boy loved her. This digital love of her made her fall into deep pain. No Ink, No Pen, No Paper One of the worst consequence of dwelling so much in to virtual world has been, according to me, the ill effect on words. The words have gone digital now, filling the never-filling gap of dissimilarity in writing of two different people. Now, we all write alike. The effect: actual hand writing getting worse. Even this blogger is suffering with the same illness. My writing is getting worse. Unlike Mahatma Gandhi, who remained very depressed for his entire life about his bad handwriting, it does not concerns me much but still just to mention it, its really getting worse. The books also have become digital, changing the long corridors of library into silicon chips, the inevitable conversion into e-books. Coming back, does our existence in these two worlds necessary ? Worse : Is it moral ? To be or not to be , thats the question.

My Favorites :-

Here, I present a list of my favorite celluloids (blog provides a bigger space) along with the people off the screen & on the screen. To be mentioned, none of the list on the lower floor, are arranged in the order of preference. Also, I am providing the useful links below to ease out the readers for getting details.

Directors :-
Akira Kurosawa
Martin Scorsese
Woody Allen
Krzysztof Kieslowski
Ingmar Bergman
Roman Polanski
Jean-Luc-Godard
Stanley Kubrick
Blake Edwards
John Ford
Manoj Night Shyamlan
Quentin Tarantino
Michelangelo Antonioni
Bernardo Bertolucci
Federico Fellini
Pedro Almodovar
Mohsen Makhmalbaf
Satyajit Ray
Abbas Kiarostami
Francis Ford Coppola
Luis Bunuel
Frank Capra
Orson Welles
Guru Dutt
Vijay Anand
Gulzar
Vishal Bhardwaj

Movies :-
RAN
Safar e Ghandehar (Kandahar)
TEN
Citizen Kane
Casablanca
It happened one night
Silence of the lambs
Pulp fiction
Life of Brian
Maqbool
Pather panchali
Hable con ella (Talk to her)
Taxi Driver
Clockwork orange
The usual suspects
The Godfather
Three Colors : Bleu, Bialy, Rouge
Bande a part (Band of outsiders)
8 & 1/2
Guide
L, Avventura
Solyaris
Der Untergang
Annie Hall
Pink Panther (old)
The Sting
Requiem for a dream
Rear Window
The good, the bad & the ugly

Actors :-
Sir Anthony Hopkins as Dr. Lectar Hannibal in Silence of the lambs
Bruno Ganz as Adolf Hitler in Der Untergang
Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine in Casablanca
Clarke Gable as Peter Warne in It happened one night
Gregory Pack as Joe Bradley in Roman holiday
Clint Eastwood as Blondie in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Anthony Quinn as Alexis Zorba in Zorba The Greek
Henry Fonda as Juror in Twelve Angry Men
Forest Whitaker as Dada Idi Amin in Last king of Scotland
Marlon Brando as Don Corleone in The Godfather
Al Pacino as Michael Corleone in The Godfather 2
Ben Kingsley as M.K. Gandhi in Gandhi
Robert De Niro as Jake La Motta in The Raging Bull
Jack Nicholson as Randle McMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Peter Sellers as Group Captain (G/C) Lionel Mandrake/President Merkin Muffley/Dr. Strangelove in Dr. Strangelove
Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump in Forrest Gump
Paul Newman as Butch Cassidy in The Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Robert Redford as Johnny Hooker in The Sting
Javier Camara as Benigno in Talk To Her
Toshiro Mifune as Tajomaru in Rashomon
Christopher Reeve as superman in Superman
Sir Alec Guinness as Professor Marcus in The Lady Killers
George Scott as General Patton in Patton
Mike Myers as Shrek(voice) in Shrek
Cary Grant as Roger Thornhill in North by Northwest
Gary Cooper as Marshal Kane in High Noon
Dustin Hoffman as Raymond Babbit in The Rain Man
Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow in The Pirates of Carribean
Dev Anand as Raju in Guide
Amitabh Bachchan as Vijay Verma in Deewaar
Prithvi Raj Kapoor as Jalaluddin Mohd. Akbar in Mughal-e-Azam
Amjad Khan as Gabbar Singh in Sholay


Actresses:-
Audrey Hepburn as Princess Ann in Roman Holiday
Claudette Colbert as Elie Andrews in It Happened One Night
Meryl Streep as Karen Blixen in Out Of Africa
Marilyn Monroe as Sugarcane in Some Like It Hot
Bette Davis as Margo Chenning in All About Eve
Ingrid Bergman as Ila Lund in Casablanca
Linda Blair as Regan Teresa in The Exorcist
Vivian leigh as Scarlett in Gone With The Wind
Jodie Foster as Clarice Starling in Silence of The Lambs
Charlize Theron as Aileen in Monster
Katherine Hepburn as Christina in Guess who is coming to dinner ?
Nelofer Pazira as Nafas in Safar-e-Ghandehar (Kandahar)
Elisabeth Shue as Sera in Leaving Las Vegas
Hilary Swank as Brandon Teena in Boys Dont Cry
Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth 2 in The Queen
Ellen Burstyn as Sara GoldFarb in Requiem for a dream
Cecilia Roth as Manuela in Todo sobre mi made (All about my mother)
Isuzu Yamada as Lady Asaji Washizu in Kumonosu jo (Throne of blood)
Jean Seaberg as Patricia Franchini in A bout de souffle (Breathless)
Juliette Binoche as Julie Vignon in Trois Couleurs : Bleu
Judi Dench as Mrs Henderson in Mrs Henderson Presents
Sharon Stone as Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct
Madhubala as Anarkali in Mughal-e-Azam
Sharmila Tagore as Pushpa in Amar Prem
Hema Malini as Basanti in Sholay
Mina Kumari as Nargis in Pakeezah


So, here's the list of some memorable performance on & off the screen by both genders. Readers may not find some popular names but to be noted that the world of cinema has infinite stars in it. Many are yet to be discovered by me.

Adieu.

So near yet so far

The announcement of results of PET & PMT in Chhattisgarh, as always, delivers a very awkward picture. The pupils of Bhilai have once again dominated the merit list (claiming nearly 50 seats in IIT this year), whereas Raipurians again have to put their faces in shadow, with only two students in the merit list.
The awkwardness, lies in the fact that both the cities though at a distance of only 35 kilometers but are poles apart when the assiduity of their youth are concerned. The yaksha question :- why ?

Albeit, Raipur is my native place, I was primarily schooled elsewhere, for my parents never felt that the town is a better place for education. For attaining my primary classes I had to reside in an alien place in Uttranchal, Ranikhet. Bhilai too, though for a short span of one year, became my educational refuge. The ambiance that town offers is very different from that of Raipur.

The Dissection
On analysis, of 'why' both near-by cities produces so different mentalities presents the whole socio-economic picture, which even can be applied to all popular system of thoughts.
Nehruvian dream of making India self-reliant in its industrial needs took a giant leap with the commencement of production of steel by Bhilai Steel Plant in 1959, with the help of India's faithful friend, Soviet Union. With this, a township area for its workers & officers also flourished near-by which later grew into the city of Bhilai. The Marxian proposition of work division for machine-cum-humans, eight hour work, eight hour rest, eight hour sleep became inevitably the mantra for this steel plant. This system of life also injected some neo-thoughts into the brains of its inhabitants. The more time passed, the more socialist Bhilai became. The division of residence according to their ranks in the plant viz HIG, MIG & LIG (Higher Income Group, Middle Income Group, Lower Income Group) helped this town to grow into a socially divided unit rather than caste divided, which unfortunately happened in most part of India. The education was also developed in such a way that the competitiveness can be pushed into child's mind from an early age since everything one can get in this town was by one's education. This engineering city to fulfill its own need was determined to produce some of the top notches of engineering products. In some way, this city became a metropolitan, for SAIL (Steel Authority Of India Ltd) deployed its officers & workers from all part of the country, to maintain a steady growth, though with time they familiarized themselves with local atmosphere. This congregation of best brains also led to make their descendants believe that books are the way to success.
All this, resulted in what we see today- the intelligent students of Bhilai.

Raipur, on the other hand, became more & more commercialized with the growth of Bhilai Steel Plant. Putting simply, Bhilai produced steel, Raipur sold it. The money started showering in to Raipur, inevitably leading it to follow a modern lavish lifestyle. To be mentioned, Raipur has always been the centre of political activities since the time of its being a part of central province. Still today, I assume that it is one of the most political cities of india.
The offshoot of all this money pouring in & political hot-pot resulted in a rather different development of youth mind. The political power & wealth became the primary target of majority of youth in this city. Though, these ambitions are not wrong in any way but the approach is. In Bhilai when a young man was dug deep into his books , the Raipur boy was staging a dharna for some political party or sitting in a shop selling consumer items.

The mere difference of 35 kms between both cities is like travelling into another world.
Both these cities are breeding the future of this state & nation.
Last night I saw a group of young boys fighting. On asking, they told me that they are passed-outs from high school.

So near we are, yet so far.

Garaj Baras : गरज बरस

धा धा धा,
धू धू ,
पेड़ों को छू-छू ,
खिसियानी बिल्ली सी,
घूमते फिरे लू ।

I remember papa reciting these lines for me from an unknown poet, when I was merely three feet high, trying to squeeze myself in the comfort of his arm, saving myself from the warm summer wind 'loo'. These winds always seemed to me the warm breath coming out of nostrils of god, furious at us, the sinful human beings. The fury, the heat, the summer.

We, the mortals, have already survived through the scorching months of April & May, yet trying our best to live through June. Its the time for Monsoon to knock our doors, with thundering & showering black clouds. Its time for Antonio Vivaldi's summer euphony to end.

I've always been in love with the rainy season. For me, at this time, Isis ( Egyptian mother goddess) dances all around, showering rain, & providing a new liveliness to near-dying earth.

I join reknowned urdu poet Nida Fazli, of what he prays for the arrival of raining clouds, & making this planet once again vibrant.

गरज बरस प्यासी धरती पर,
फिर पानी दे मौला।

Funnily enough, I came back yesterday from a week long trip to two metros, Chennai & Mumbai, & it started raining at both places as soon as I left ( thats what I have been told on the phone). Now, is it a jest played on me by mother nature ?
I hope to see the rains soon. Just looked out of my window this morning & saw dense black clouds hovering over the sky. Yippee !

Photo Album : The Sleeping Beauty

My one year old nephew Abhiraj. He may sound quiet while sleeping but I must assure that he can turn any normal ear to deafness by his shrieks.

All my love for him.

The Manchurian Candidates Of Dantewada

The morning of 26th April brought with itself a shocking news scribbled on an esteemed daily news paper regarding naxalite activities in Dantewada district. The news said that Yelam (a maoist leader active in Abhujhmad) has announced a new program in which the pregnant women have to deliver their child in temporary camps under constant observation of medical specialists of Woman Revolutionary Organization so that these children can be made devoted fully for the maoist ideology.

This about to take place brainwash reminded me of Richard Condon's thriller novel "The Manchurian Candidate" in which the lead character is brainwashed to become an unwilling assassin of communist party. Thanks to Mr. Condon, this unfortunate event never takes place & the world is being saved. But how the Manchurian candidates of Dantewada will be stopped ?

Though, it's not at all a new thing that Yelam has programmed for it is being done from centuries to brainwash the child into some ideology as soon as they start breathing. The communist ideology albeit it's claim of being the one where religion is considered to be opium of masses & has always covered itself under the atheist cloak but still no less it's methodology is different from it's counterpart. Demented Friedrich Nietzsche has the right answer of this perplexity, for he moans that one should be aware of fighting the devil, there is every chance of becoming the devil itself in the end. Fairly enough, in this case, one has all right to decide which one is devil. I enjoy liberty of being in the middle where both are devil for me.

The disturbing news roots in the future when we will be surrounded by the brainwashed Maoists, their eyes soared by the ideology that has been fed into them when they weren't capable enough to oppose it. The only way for them is to accept it all meekly paving the path of their becoming fidayeens .

A very good friend of mine once wrote in his poem

All is well,
All is hell.

The Story Of Storyteller

I got my hands on another of Tushar Waghela's painting : The Storyteller.
It came at the right time, I was really in need of a storyteller.

Notes To Myself : Interview with the first noble truth

It all changed with the blink of eye, turning every thing in my world Topsy- turvy, upside down. The people on whom I rested my soul as an emotional hideaway, backed out. Friends became enemy & lovers converted their religion to haters. This wasn't a phenomenon occurring in a single day rather it progressed slowly to strangle my throat. It happened in weeks behind my back & I merrily was sipping the wine that illusion was offering me.
I put myself in the accused box this time. It was I who invited the bull by showing him a red cloth. Now, when the bull has hit me on my ass I cannot go on whining about being a matador. I chose to be the matador & the danger of hitting by the bull came uninvited.

Tonight, it seems that Gautam the Buddha himself stands in front of my weak eyes with the flowers of his four noble truths:- 1. Life means suffering Dukkha, 2. desires bring suffering Samudaya, 3. the cessation of suffering is attainable Nirodha 4. the path to cessation of suffering Magga.
I am only aware with the first flower that Buddha offers, Dukkha ( still has some guts remaining to call it flower ). The rest is all words for me, for my soul still creeps in the hollow depth of life where it's all very dark.
But still I can hear the voice coming out of Ghaib ( nowhere ), calling me for a giant leap towards Buddha's eighth noble path "Sammasati" where every thing submerges in the existence.

I apologies to myself since I am the one responsible to bring my self in such a state.

I salute you Diogenes ( the teacher of art of ignorance ) for giving me a hand at such a crucial time of my life when every hand took no time to depart.

My Most Preferred Art works

I present here my most preferred art works, wherein I feel the need of making it clear that they are not in order of preference.

1) Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh




Starry night has always let me unveil the door of the world that is forbidden. It's the world of our inner self. Although, it's creator Vincent Van Gogh wasn't satisfied after it was completed. He thought that some thing else was to be done in this work which he couldn't able to. This, he confessed to his brother Theo in a letter.

This unusual work portrays a village & graveyard in the background while the tree in the front is uncommonly taller.
In my opinion the tree resembles human hand which is trying hard to touch the sky which is resembling infinity. For me, desires aren't infinite but there is always a desire of infinite. This desire is present in all of us in some or other form, some of us aware of this while some aren't. There has been from ages in humans a want to take a quantum leap from the world that we all see to the world that exist beyond this. Buddha's Nibbana was nothing other this quantum leap. The Vedic verses of "Mrityorma Amritam Gamay" (Take me from death to deathlessness) has been the desire of every human since the evolution of our breed.
It's expression has been one of the most difficult one since it goes beyond the words. Art in some extent has the strength to express.
For me, Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night has been the sutra of vedic verses.


2) Rembrandt's Philosopher In Meditation




What's human mind ? Rembrandt's Philosopher In Meditation answers it visually.
Philosophy & meditation, in my opinion cannot co-exist. Mediation starts where the philosophy ends. It's just like the difference between word & wordless.

I am in love with this work since it suggests to me the shape of human mind. In it a philosopher is sitting in a dark room with light coming only from window & stairs beside him go in puzzling way to up somewhere. This in perfect sense we are. Our mind functions in a puzzling way while we try to meditate on some affair ( though mediation only occurs when there is no affair). The stairs resembles the unending thought process of ours leading us to no where.

Rest is all dark.



3)Picasso's Guernica





Wow ! The one who believes in melancholy that ugly cant be beautiful must see this work of Picasso. Guernica is the painting by Picasso after the brutal bombing of the town of Guernica on April 26th 1937 during the Spanish civil war by Hitler's Luftwaffe killing almost 2000 people.

Following the theme it shows the brutality & violence portraying the after math of . The crushed skull & a soldier on the ground along with a horse injured by spear & a bull in panic shows us that when the sky is falling no one is spared.
Interestingly, Picasso also painted a flower growing out of the dead soldier's severed hands shattered by sword. In my opinion, he just wanted to tell us that the hands that can create, can also destroy.

What more attrocities can we do on our fellow human beings.
The dark back ground shows the silence after the destruction with a light bulb on the head of the horse depicting the hope of re-creation.
A woman, dumb-struck seeing blankly over the whole mess with astonishment depicting the mother nature of what we have done to ourselves.

Funnily, Picasso never expressed any views on this work & left it merely on every individual viewer.


4) Michelangelo's Pieta





Michelangelo's Pieta is one of those fews which unveiled the thick cover of egotism glued on my eyes & let out the saline water. I saw it placed beyond a glass cover in Vatican but at once I found it communicating with me.
Done on the tender age of 24 by Michelangelo, this work being the only on which he scribbled his name.

The statue shows Mary Holding Jesus right after his crucification, focusing right on the emotions of Mary. Her Motherly charm is vanishing with the holding of her son's dead body who has been punished for saying truth.

Mary is the mother. It reminds me of my own, while I trust that anyone seeing it would naturally be emphatic.




5) Tushar Waghela's Golden Buddha






Golden Buddha done by Tushar, an artist from Bhilai & more importantly a very good friend of mine, forced me to drive myself from the state of loquaciousness to taciturnity. I couldn't utter a word when I saw it for the first time while he was questioning me like Sherlock Holmes about how I felt for this work.

He painted Buddha in the color golden which has been for me the color of celebration. Buddha celebrating ? Thats what the tough job was. Buddha is considered to sitting meditatively under a tree but with the color golden Buddha seems to be breaking his image & dancing like Alexis Zorba. In the back ground he has painted various figure some of which human which in my opinion is nothing other than his depiction of human mind, while the Buddha super ceding the figures depicting the supervision of Buddha on his mind & transforming from Siddhartha Gautam to Gautam the Buddha.

Still the calmness on his face, for me, is very meditative. It's a communication that occurred between him & Mahakashaypa some twenty five centuries ago.

A work that snatched words from my tongue.



These are my five most preferred works ( not in order of preference). The views that I expressed on these works are entirely my own & can be objected by any one else. The reader has full liberty to disagree.

Notes To Myself :- Back To School

After a series of disrupted thoughts I decided to degrade myself. I made up my mind to join University once again (I' ve been an Engineering student ). This time though on a totally different aspect of eduction : Arts.

It may be surprising when I call it my degradation but I have a reason for it. University has never given me anything. Not exactly, that I was unwilling to accept what it had to offer but the simple phenomenon of education never went down my throat. I have a different view towards learning, for learning has nothing to do with what we call eduction. Learning is an event happening only when the learner's mind is totally acceptable.

I rather chose to consume whatever that came in my way. I vagabonded my spirit across the realms of philosophy, psychology, history, literature, language & whatever it was possible to read ( even spent some time reading health & fitness magazine). I must confess here that I found virtually nothing in them. All the great authors & authoresses of human history had nothing to offer other than words. Words & words all around. I have seen it up to that extent that I assumed as if I have lost in the jungle of words.

Then why I am degrading my self. B'coz I have sold myself for the saline taste of university again which in return will grant me a degree.

Post Scrpit :- I would be highly obliged if any of the reader can send me links regarding admission in distance learning/correspondence courses by any respectable university.

Notes To Myself :- The within, The without

Just day before yesterday, I saw a message blinking on my mobile phone as soon as I woke up from my after noon siesta. The message was from one of my very close person, alleging of some thing that I wouldn't even dream of. At first, I thought that its just a jest cracked upon me as a postmortem of 1st April (fools day) but with the passage of time & the increasing number of incoming messages I knew that the person is damn serious in alleging me.

Wow! the person knew me from at least one & half years & now accusing me of doing such thing that I hated most in my life. I don't blame the person rather I would blame the mentality that we all possess. To put trust on some one is one of the most difficult jobs for us. We just trust our own judgments whatever & in however shape they are. We judge others in a way that they always should fall inferior to us.

I am quite indifferent to the allegations. I cannot help it, since I never knew that one day I will also stand accused for the thing that throws dirt on all the wisdom (bigger or smaller, no matter) I have inculcated. For me, even to stand guarding my self against such things is shameful. I cannot go convincing anyone since the very idea of convincing others simply shows that deep down we aren't even convinced.

Then how I am going to defend ? Well, I will never. It's just like convincing some one that I am a human being a & not a devil. But the lesson that I have learned from this that we are enslaved by time. Time decides our feeling for other, time decides for us how to judge others, time decides for us when to hate & when not to. I am no more a slave of time. I don't judge others because I know I simple rule of life that my feet are not in their shoes.

It may put a impression that I am just forgiving the person for such thing. In fact, there is nothing to forgive. I am not that superior to forgive anyone but I am always capable of forgiving just myself. So I simply forgive myself.

Rest is absolutely perfect.

Notes To Myself : - We Lie To Ourselves

Everything in this world comes with a price tag. We buy & get sold everyday on different prices, not compulsorily in the form of currency. The price varies in different forms, happening some time to be love, some time selfishness. I never considered this barter trade to be wrong. The wrongful in my eyes is the lie that we tell ourselves daily.

We start our day by performing the daily ritual of chanting in our minds that whatever we are, whoever we are, however we are, we are right. This illusionary righteousness that captures our persona makes us miles apart from what we truly are.

I have seen people in my life who are submerged in this so completely that they have actually forgotten who they are. I have met people claiming that they always speak truth, funnily this is one of their many lies. I have met people claiming to be living life on their condition, funnily this isn't true a single time as far as I have seen them living. Once I have been told of a boy's blog by a mutual friend that since the start of his blogging activity some two years ago he has vowed to himself that whatever he will enter into his blog will be perfectly true. Perfectly true ? I read his whole blog & I didn't found a single trace of truth other than his personal memoirs. Putting entries of memoirs into blog is truth ? I happened to talk to him once on the phone & found that he is still adamant on his vow.

We do something else & put ourselves in some other way in front of this world. George Bernard Shaw writes that all autobiographies are false. This indeed is a truth. How can we dare write truth about ourselves. Mostly we want respect for those things which even we dislike most in ourselves.

We talk about honesty & all the time we are dishonest. We talk about love & we have never lived a single moment in love other than falling in love with the opposite sex.

I don't consider myself apart from this category. I am too a dishonest person. I lie whenever I am on the verge of defending my secerts. May existence grant me courage.

Essays On India :- (A) (1) India & Freedom

I am not quite sure whether the sun rays touched the soil of India on the dawn of August 15th 1947 with compliments but I am sure that every face in this ancient land woke up with a smile. It was the day when India, after years of wait, was free. Nehru’s tryst with destiny speech few hours before must have brought a sense of pride, which had lost thousands of years ago when the Macedonian feet leaded by Alexander crushed the miserable Indian soil. Since then India opened its arms to embrace all the invaders most of them though inundated themselves in the land of brown people. Freedom & power brings responsibility were Nehru’s word on the eve of India’s independence. We were free, we were to be responsible. But it should be left on the time frame that has to set by the historians that how India fought its way for being free. Freedom, the word which meant the world for us, should be ace bench mark. Were we really free then? Are we really free now? If the answer to both the questions are in affirmative then what was Rabindra Nath Tagore’s heaven of freedom in which he wanted his country to awake (Where the mind is without fear, Gitanjali). I don’t consider myself in any position to contradict the Nobel-Laureate. If freedom was only meant political then it made no difference at all to any common man. They were ruled by whites & now will be ruled by browns.

India has never been a country rather it has been a school of thought, a land which witnessed standing aloof & untouched the rise & fall of human civilizations across the world. India, indeed has been a journey commencing & concluding into infinite. It has always been a perfect balance between Adiguru Shankar Acharya’s beliefs of materialistic world being illusionary & Charvak’s claim of realism lying in the outer world. It is a land where the mind of people vary so diametrically within few miles that one can get confused of his whereabouts. But these variable thoughts made the base for the narrow walls between the common man. The blessing became the curse. In remedy of it India started looking towards its past & boasted it of being a golden age. For India, there was no golden age. Nikos Kazantzakis’s Alexis Zorba took a quantum leap & became a vulnerable mixture of De Sade & Von Sacher Mascho. The religion which reached a pinnacle in this country became a perfect example of suppression of people on the name of it. The freedom itself became the bondage. This can be best put in the words of Rabindra Nath Tagore “bearing the cost of music instrument & not knowing its use is the tragedy of life’s deafness”.

Freedom in every sense means immunity from all the bondages regardless of it being political, intellectual or spiritual. C.G Jung’s remark about addiction in every kind being bad is quite true not only to a single man but also mobs, parties & nations. But the ironical part of humanity is this that we try to engulf ourselves with all such thoughts in end make us slaves. India, I find every reason, to believe became the slaves of its own in the first place. We, the people of India are still fighting on such issues that as if we living in a Paleolithic age.

Essays On India :- (A)(2) Once a king now a pauper

The farthest memory that I could recollect from my childhood of being told about India was that this country was once a “golden bird” (Sone Ki Chidiya). It was a wealthy nation once & poverty was nowhere. Plato’s utopian concept is commonly known here as “Satyug”, the golden age where no lived hand to mouth & truth prevailed everywhere. The contemporary India that stands in front us today presents an entirely opposite picture. In mythological terms we are right now living in Kalyug, the age of darkness where sins & insanities are at their extreme. As far as mythology is concerned this giant leap was inevitable & a part of the changing cycle. As far as logic is concerned we strangled ourselves in order to decay into a rotten & malodorous society.

Why this happened to one of the most ancient society in the world?
India always looked towards the religion for every solution. Religion in India maintained a very narrow verdict regarding the material world. Adi Shankara traveled all across the country, debating with priests of various sects, preaching his “Advaita” philosophy in which the material world is considered as an illusion & the inner world sole truth. His victory in debates all over India made him one of the most prestigious saint of all time, at least in India. He revived the Hinduism which was badly affected by Buddhism & Jainism. Hinduism once again became the prime factor in Indian mindset. Shankara’s philosophy “Jagat Mithya Brahma Satya” (World is an illusion, God is truth) became the common philosophy all across the nation. This led to a disaster. India turned itself away from the materialistic world. Every thing was to be renounced. “Sanyaas” reached at its pinnacle. If the world is an illusion then all the material things became useless. Karl Marx, in west, took the opposite turn. He claimed the spiritual affairs useless, terming the religion as the opium of mass. Matter, he considered the sole base of humanity. He was the western version of Charvaka, though penetrating deeper into the human mindset.

Life as such cannot be monotonous. Newton’s third law of motion “To every action there is an equal & opposite reaction” can also be put simply that if one end of a thing is true other end too is bound to be true. If the world according to Adi Shankara is an illusion then the God must also be an illusion. Like wise if according to Marx the God is false then the matter also must be false. If one pole of a magnet bears magnetism the other pole is bound to be magnetic yet in opposite nature. Both bear the same property equally & in opposite nature. But there lies a point exactly situated between both of them which is netural yet bears the property of both poles. If I put this into the words of Soren Kirkegaard’s Either/Or (though he may not agree) then Either God & world both are true in nature Or both are false. Adi Shankara or Marx cannot be accepted separately.

The monochrome life-style of India in which the material world is considered to be useless led India to poverty. Nearly 1/3 rd people of the society which comprises of 1/6 th of humanity are living hand to mouth. This was the fruits of the seeds that were sown centuries ago.
A few days back while sipping coffee in a coffee bar I heard a poor man shouting in the counter for his wages that was being denied by the manager. He was shouting at the top of his voice for mere Rs 40. Some college students sitting next to my table started making fun of him. The poor man didn’t left until he got his money. For majority of Indians few rupees have become the matter of life & death. The poor man, for me at least, is the result of all the stupid philosophies that India followed.

The society which was once a king now has become a pauper. Still the time is in our hand. The India which I dream of is rich not only from outside but also from inside. It is neither Carl Jung’s extrovert nor introvert personality traits but instead an ambivert.. India should be a perfect balance of matter & spirit. Adi shankar in its totality will bring nothing more than poverty & Marx in its totality will make us nothing more than a machine.
India has to decide.

Notes To Myself : Freedom Within Walls

I've always found myself surrounded by situation where I remain aloof from the people meant to be with me for the whole life. This situation inevitably forced upon me for a simple reason of my constant guard of my self-prestige. I do not blame any one else as such since everyone of us made in manner that we are bound to act differently. As far as I see, nobody in this world is wrong, by most, they can be uninformed. Uninformed of the fact that the other is & being uninformed does not makes anyone at the wrong end.

Trying to be fixated, I would add that we are after all human beings which makes us susceptible of making errors. To err is human.

Prima facie, freedom never comes in cheap. I had fought all my life to maintain this freedom some time with my near ones, some time with myself. I always hated any imposed ideology as it was never mine nor I had cultivated it. In fact I am allergic to any kind of ideology. This made me to wage into an unannounced war. I've reacted some time sharply & some time silently in a feat to defend my self. Later on, I got used to it & now I enjoy when others try to school me in the ideology that they believe to be true unknowing of the fact that after all it's imposed.

Humorous Mark Twain writes in his auto biography one of the most golden words I ever came across. Regarding freedom he says that the only cost of freedom is loneliness. With the passage of time I found this to be correct. The more lonelier I got, the more free I was. But this loneliness does not mean the physical aloofness from the world that we live in. I don't what it was Twain but for me it simply is aloofness in total; mental, physical & spiritual. Funnily I experienced increasing attachment with the world with increasing aloofness. This may seem idiotic but it's not.

I live my life in my own temperament, trying my best to disallow it to stretch more than a single moment. Moment is the only life I live. Interestingly, others live to die, where as I live to live another moment.

Oscars : Dust Settled

& the Oscars were announced on the early morning of 26th feb (IST). Though some disappointing turns took place at Kodak Theater this year but still I feel happy for Martin Scorsese. The man in fact deserved it years ago. Still, later the better, he walked with the golden statue, Peter O' Toole will have to wait for another of his life time to make it on the esteemed podium.

My some guesses were hit on the dot, Martin Scorsese, Helen Mirren & Forest Whittaker scored points for me. The biggest disappointment was the award for best picture going to The Departed. It's a good movie but reasonably not good enough to win the prize. I was adamant for Little Miss Sunshine for few reasons. First of all the humor in it. All the rest nominees were plots based on violence in some or the other way, including the queen ( & I give here the right to disagree to everyone). Little miss sunshine, on the other hand had such a subject that was capable enough to light the viewer. There is already enough violence around all of us & seeing that again on a cinematic view is the biggest folly that we tend to do again & again, including me. Little miss sunshine reminded me rather of Woodie Allen's Annie Hall, though both of them had different plot but were of a same idea.

Anyway. the osacars are announced leaving all the doors shut (being a true Indian I always vouch for a backdoor entry). Lets hope the Academy people retain their senses next year.

Battle For Oscar , Battle Field : Kodak Theater

This night surely would be agonizing for all the nominees of the prestigious Academy Awards aka Oscar. Most of them would be rehearsing silently in their mind about the last minute act when their names would be announced as winner. Oh My God! is going to be the most common expression with an addition for women of pressing their cheeks with both hands & showing the disbelief ( although within their kitty parties they would have boasted a lot about it). For men, a show of sense of pride will be sufficient although during their way to the Kodak theaters they would be perspiring.
All in all, every one would be biting their nails & while some would be trying to recover from the extra dose of alcohol consumed a night before in an effort to ease off the tension.
One thing is sure, the winners are going to spend a good time in bed afterwards, obviously not alone.

My guesses are :-

best picture: little miss sunshine
best actor: forest whitaker
best actress: helen mirren/meryl streep
best supp. actor: edie murphie
best supp. actress: rinko kukuchi (babel)
best director : martin scorsese / inarritu for babel

To be mentioned I have already placed a bet upon Little Miss Sunshine for best picture against the one & only Amit bhaiya.
I am going to win...Amen !
But if I am going to loose then I may suffer a short term memory loss.

Camera Buff

An idea flashed into my mind a few days back, thanks to Tushar, of making short films. He apparently did some during making promos for his work. Concept undecided I finally grabbed hold of the camera to shoot something.
Lets see where I end up with it. Definitely will I update my rare readers of it.

(3) Notes To Myself :- My Epitaph

I hope for nothing.
I fear nothing.
I am free.

(2) Notes To Myself : An Added Chapter

The inevitable parting with my sister took place on the morning of 9th Feb with her marriage with the prince charming Sachin a night before. She left in tears & forced mine too to come out which I deliberately hide within the walls of my eyes. She is off now to her own world, leaving only traces of childhood memories in my mind when I used to hit her & she used to run to papa for safety. She had always been the core of my family, a knot that tied all of us. I promised her once that I will make myself present on Rakhi every year wherever she is. This I am always going to keep.
I wish you all the best my sweet sister & until I take the last breath I will love you & keep looking after you.

Apart from this, a very intimate person to me told me a few days back that he has started sensing that the child within me is vibrant once again. He might have said so seeing my childish activities these days. This very thing I also sensed. But I must mention that it happened spontaneously & I have no hand in it. Perhaps, my very serious persona took a U-Turn turning me into a child. I am watching it these days being indifferent towards this suspicious change. A change that I feel is soon going to end, never letting me know what's coming next. The best part of this it is that I have stopped analyzing the life & started living it. I am no more describing the things in my mind but I have started feeling them. This spontaneity lead me to creation of myself by myself unrevealed yet what I am going to create. But unworried I am of the result yet enjoying the whole process. I couldn't have explained to my friend at that time since I myself was surprised of this change. Now things have started to settle down & I am slowly learning to live with this child within me. I laugh when others are getting surprised.
Unsure of everything except of the fact that this child will die with me.