Bye Bye Humpty Dumpty

Hi blog,

Fare you well 2007, the year really deserved it. It was a topsy turvy ride all year round producing mixed results for me. On the better side I started my steel mill, after a long wait of fifteen months. On the worse side I have added a lot of weight. Sad.
But when everything has calmed down I decide now to put off this unwanted fat. On the question of weight gain I must add that i was huge of nearly ninety kg some six years back. Fortunately I came to my senses & reduced it down to sixty seven kg taking almost one & half years. My inspiration being the fruits of young age that I dearly wanted to enjoy. Dear blog, I hope you understand what I mean...lol.
In present day status I am seventy six kg, much of which is the result of my laziness. Anyway, have got to get down to sixty six , a steep decline of ten kg. How is this possible you ask my dear blog. I will tell you how.

There are few golden rules that I followed while reducing my weight a few years back. Dear blog, just take notice.

.The first & foremost rule is dieting. No weight loss can be achieved without proper dieting & when I say dieting my dear blog it does not mean that one has to starve. No, not at all. Its a myth that if one will eat less one will loose weight. On the contrary, if one is eating less the human body following its primitive tendency (don't forget that our ancestors lived in jungles & caves & were dependent upon hunting for food. So, the human body possesses those genes that deliberately store the fat, just in case the hunting expedition wasn't successful for two-three days) stores the fat instead of utilizing the food in form of energy. Dont get surprised my dear blog, its not how much you eat but its what you eat. So, the first rule is eating six meals a day or eating after every three hours & to avoid the fat three portions out of these six should & only should be fruits. The rest three are breakfast, lunch & dinner. Easy. In this way the dieter cant be vitamin deprived. Thanks to fruits.

.The second thumb rule is not to stuff oneself while eating breakfast, lunch or dinner. I have found that Indian meal plan is full of fats & carbohydrates & if one takes no notice of what to eat its very easy to become obese. So, one should either eat only chappati or rice. Never a combination of both. Its really suicidal when my dear blog one is trying to loose weight.

.Thirdly one should always try to eat dinner as early as possible. This makes stomach empty by the time one sleeps & calorie is burned while sleeping also. Thats a real fact.

. Now comes exercise. There is a myth that if one works hard in gym or cardio machine then one will loose weight. Mind it my dear blog, exercise only speeds up the metabolism but dieting is the only thing that makes us lean & thin. But exercise cant be ignored as it shapes up the body. I work on three day split training. It means three days cardio (jogging, cycling, swimming) & the rest three days muscular exercises. I do this in alternate way mixing up both. But this is not necessary for everyone. A five day cardio training is enough for a healthy weight loss.
But the duration of exercise should never ever exceed thirty minutes because after that body starts burning the valuable protein for energy resulting in muscle loss. Yes my dear blog thats why the marathon runners are so skinny. I have found that interval training system is best for cardio exercises. It really boosts the metabolism for twenty four hrs. Yes thats true.
This is a sample interval training plan for tread mill users & can be used by anyone.

5 min warm up at the speed of 4 km/hr
2 min light jog at the speed of 6 km/hr
1 min running at the speed of 8 km/hr
now this 2 min & 1 min completes a cycle. This cycle should be repeated for at least seven times that means 21 minutes of sweat breaking workout.
After this 4 min of cool down at the speed of 4 km/hr

Total time 30 min . Yippee !

Dear blog this training system has helped me burn more calories than running continuously of 45 minutes. The reason is simple, it keeps that heart rate (no of times a heart beats in a minute) to 50-60% of its efficiency. The range which burns fats. The higher range burns protein. One can calculate one's heart rate by this formula 220-your age. This is the highest number of times a heart can beat. In my case my heart rate is 220-27 = 190. So my target heart rate should be 50-60% of it & that is 97 - 117. Simple.

Another thing, I try taking a lot of protein in my diet. The most abundant source is egg white while the yolk I always throw because its all fat. I also take fat free protein drink right after my workout, the time when the body needs its most. The reason behind more protein intake is that our muscle are all made of protein & more muscle one have more calorie one will burn.

Most important I drink at least 10 glasses of water.

So, this is all the secret behind a healthy fat loss, my dear blog. I hope to see my self 10 kg lighter in next few months. Until then, I fast to feast.

The Nano Effect & The Rice Defect

The year 2008 enters with strong buzz in its first month with Tata's world's cheapest car 'Nano', which unwillingly created a race for its viewers during the Delhi Car Expo, resulting in lathi charge by police. The dream car with a price tag of Rs 1 lakh seems to have fulfilled the Indian dream (much similar to that American dream) to have owned a car by each middle class family. Thus, India enters into new era, the era of Nano.
Also, the tiny of state of Chattisgarh comes into light of sight with the Govt's politically ambitious announcement of offering rice to its poor people at the cost of Rs 3 per kg. The inauguration was done in style, attended by many VIPs, & road blocks. Thanks to the Govt for two reasons - to bringing into attention to Delhites of this tiny state & moreover for the remembrance of its poor people albeit after four years. The state assembly election standing at the corner of this year explains all the ethics behind this. Whats never been mentioned in this program was the question 'why not four years earlier'. Retrospectively glanced, the much debated anti naxal 'Salwa Judum' movement was also initiated in the same style by the same Govt. some three years back. The consequence was the amount of innocent deaths in three years surpassing the figures of last twenty years.
Putting into Putin's bifurcation of weak & strong Govt, it seems an obvious inquiry that is this Govt really able to handle such programs which eventually leads the people of state into more chaos.
Corrupted to its roots, the state public distribution system will be responsible for the distribution of Rs 3 per kg rice to its rightful but I suppose this is not going to happen even if we have lived in the age of Ramayana. The ration shops are the center of black marketing, sparing not even the kerosene oil (although they undergo some chemical process of changing the oil color from blue to white) & the sugar which yields much profit in the open market. Within the hands of these ration shops, the rice is gold at the price of Rs 3 per kg, paving way for black marketeers to earn profit in millions while the people for whom rice is meant will have to wait in just another queue. Their disappointment will be added in tonnes.

The gap between Rs 1 lakh & Rs 3 is mathematically great but it isn't when comes to common human desires. Nano means dream come true while Rice at Rs 3 per kg means hunger quenched. Driven by these meager desires, the humanity have been promised of platonic life from ages, unfortunately every such promise has lead (not only French) it to guillotine.
& on the subject of dignity I must add that if & only if the rice 'to be sold' is available only for this year whence the new Govt takes charge next year, one must think before-hand instead of voting for any Govt who acts only in its final year.

World's greatest singer : Watch it till end !!!

a mari usque ad mare

Just as such, this blog no more caters my paintings (a recently adopted métier of mine) , much of the past space has been occupied by writings. As the Latin phrase puts a mari usque ad mare : from sea to sea , I turn my paintings to another newly formed blog. & thus the justification has been done since I find an abyss between both medium ; the paintings & the writings. Both reach out in their own way so best both should be tamed differently. I beg the readers to suggest me the title of this blog, although at present it bears a blur title, the best I could think of Canvas & Colors.
In future I request the readers to log on to this blog for my paintings.

http://www.tonitiwari.blogspot.com/

Oil On Canvas : Self-Portrait

Oil pastels on canvas

Oil On Canvas

(24"x30")





(24"x30")

Acrylic On Canvas

My first attempt on canvas with acrylic colors

When the Stars fall down on the Earth & the Moon sleeps : the sleeping baby & the singing mother

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang : Snowy Soul

Approximately after ten years I return to Himalayan hills, en-route to queen of hills Shimla, in the midst of chilling night, partly warmed with car-heater, indulging in conversation with driver to feed my boredom which started with about his whereabouts & ending in world politics. Ten years-a long period for a change, yet the Himalayas, from where I left it-Ranikhet in Kumaon hills in Uttranchal to Shimla on the other side of this mighty range, remains unchanged. Whilst looking for the change in the shadows of hills in the dark night I inquired into myself; I also remain unchanged. My flight from teenage to late twenties may have hiked my body through several alterations but still something inside remains untouched. "Should I take some anti-vomit pills ?" was the thought that frequented my mind whenever I used to enter the turning roads hills. I observed that thought coming again.
There is some connection between mighty Himalayas & my soul, just a glimpse of them makes me feel so inferior. The tireless false ego somehow starts to vanish, letting me to fall into depth created by these giant mountains.










Writing this, I sit in my hotel room, the snow fall visible from window. Snow god welcomed me by throwing small cotton balls like snow into my world, making me struck into struggle between body & heart. My heart wants to leap on the snow & play with it while my body encountering this idea. In anyway, I know that my heart will win eventually as I myself stand on its side, I always have.

For me at least, always, nature has evoked something in me that even I never figured out. Sartre with all his wit, shouting inside me - other is hell, & then getting disappeared with rest of thoughts. Coming in close proximity with nature has made me lonelier, & most important much calmer.
I, with mighty Himalayas & cotton like snow, feel much more like a human instead of gods, closest to my basic nature. These hills speak, trying to touch me with their pine tree like hands & squeezing me to the utmost state of being where neither happiness nor sadness exists. I take back my'self' from here instead of memories, learnt the art of drinking Zen tea.
The only word that I can give to this wild eruption is 'love'.

Sketcher's sketch : - Tushar Waghela captured in charcoal & color on paper.

नंगे पाँव मत चला करो आसमान में
कहीँ तारे ना चुभ जाएँ पाँव में

मिट्टी के दीये

कल शाम एक मित्र की डायरी में लिखे कुछ शब्दों को पढ़कर कि धर्म वैयक्तिक होता है, ना इससे कम ना इससे ज्यादा, एक कहानी याद आ गयी। कहानी शायद काफी पुरानी है - एक समुद्र का किनारा इस बात के लिए प्रसिद्ध था कि वहाँ बैठने वालो को समुद्र के अन्दर से घंटियों की आवाज सुनाई पड़ती है। शायद किसी समय में कोई भव्य मंदिर रहा हो जो समय के साथ विलीन हो गया हो और लहरों के टकराने से उस मंदिर की घंटियाँ बजती हो। एक दीवाना अपनी मौज में रोज उन घंटियों को सुनने आता था। लेकीन सिवाय लहरों की गर्जन के उसे कुछ सुनाई नही पड़ता था। फिर भी उसने संकल्प ले रखा था की उन घंटियों की आवाज सुनने का। एक दिन अचानक वो दीवाना जोर जोर से चीखने लगा की सुन ली मैंने घंटियों की आवाज। लोगो ने जब पूछा तो उसने कहा कि ये आवाजें समुद्र से नही मेरे अंतस से आती हैं, मैंने सुना है उन्हें । लोगो ने समझा कि बेचारा पागल हो गया लेकीन वो तो आल्हाद से भरा हुआ नाचने लगा। मैंने सुना है की आज भी वो यही बात कहता है।

आज नवरात्रि का पहला दिन है। नौ दिनों तक सारे देश में देवी की पूजा होगी।
मार्क्स का ये कथन कि धर्म अफीम का नशा है, आंशिक रुप से सत्य है। नौ दिनों तक लोग उपवास करेंगे ताकि देवी प्रस्सन होकर उन्हें मुँह माँगा वर दे। अधिकांश ने धन माँगा होगा। इस देश से ज्यादा भौतिक देश दुनिया में शायद ही कोई दूसरा हो। हम तो सीधे - सीधे लक्ष्मी को ही पूजते हैं।

मैं कभी कभी सोचता हूँ कि यदि हम अमर हो जाये तो क्या धर्म बचेगा। रसेल की धर्म का मूल आधार भय है। मेरे देखे से ये बात भी आंशिक रुप से ही सही है। संगठित धर्म का मूल आधार तो भय ही है। वैयक्तिक का प्रेम। इन दिनों धार्मिक चैनलों की बाढ़ आयी हुई है। धर्म गुरुओं को २४ घंटे ब्रह्म चर्चा में लीं देखा जा सकता है। सब इश्वर को खोजने का रास्ता बताते हैं। इस बात पर एक और कहानी याद आ गयी - जेन फकीर रिन्झाई के पास आ कर एक व्यक्ति ने पूछा की इश्वर को कहॉ खोजू। रिन्झाई भी अपने में एक विरला था। पास अपने डंडा रखता और मूर्खों के सर पर चला देता। लेकीन ख्याति उसकी बहुत थी। शायद इसी के चलते ये व्यक्ति भी रिन्झाई के पास आया था। उसका प्रश्न सुनकर रिन्झाई ने अपना डंडा उसके सर पे दे मारा और कहा -'जहाँ गुमा कर आया है वहीँ जा कर खोज'।

ईश्वर को खोजने से पहले उसे गुमाना भी तो जरुरी है।
कुछ दिनों पहले मेरे पुराने परिचित एक बालक से मिलना हुआ। उनकी उम्र कोई साठ वर्ष है लेकीन हैं वो बच्चे ही । उन्हें ब्रह्मचर्चा का बड़ा शौक है। उनकी हवाई बातें सुनने के लालच में मैं उनके घर आया जाया करता था। मिलते ही उन्होने कहा की कल भगवान् शिव मेरे सपनो में आया थे और कहा कि तुम्हे सात दिनों के अन्दर ब्रह्म ज्ञान हो जाएगा। मैंने उन्हें बधाई दीं, और मैं दे भी क्या सकता था।

Running short of friends in the real world, so in the virtual one I logged on to this another social networking web-site Facebook. Unlike its predecessor Orkut, atleast this one isn't crowded with phony characters.

Thanks to AJ for guiding me to change the look of this blog.
& thanks to Tushar for not suggesting me at all. :)

Untitled

It comes uninvited in every blogger's life when there are a real shortage of new entries. The question "what to write ?" pops up in some corner of mind & is fed by different absurd ideas; "ok, I should write about this or that". The blog during this phase is famished in the scarcity of new entries & just to keep it alive the blogger forcefully has to put some thing new, I just saw a Chennai girl's blog in which she has mentioned about her successful effort of making Paav Bhaaji. Well, for any human living in so south of India, a northern paav bhaaji making expedition deserves a place in blog. The problem is I cant write all this because I haven't even tried making Dosa yet in past few days. Having kicked out of kitchen a few times by my mom has forced me to accept that I cant cook even though I know how to make Maggi & tea, my only two cooking achievement. Coming back, the blogger falls into such scarce entry state which makes them repeatedly seeing their own entries & counting the number of visitors ( who also may have seen them ) or changing the color of blog. Some even take a vacation from this blogging business. But for the most dangerous part, there is always a fear of blogger becoming a poet during such state. For those the easy answer is : Cant write anything, write poems. & then starts the battle of intelligentsia. Such bloggers whenever meeting fellows always ask : 'hey! have you read my new poem? Really, I don't believe that I have written it. Have you also read the comments ? ( I just don't understand who comments for such things, well, the fools have majority everywhere ).



If you still didn't understood I am also in one of those phases: scarcity of new entries. Not to blame myself but where will I find so many things to write upon, after all my brain weighs only 1.4 kgs ( universal information source : Google ). I think that I should write Indian history once again in my own way & when I am writing it in my blog, my presence in every important turn in the history of India becomes quite understood.
Once and for all, please dont blame me if I too start writing poems।

My Photo Travelogue : Istanbul & Scotland

My trans-continental travel ends in here in London, where I am at leisure, having access to internet. So, I post some of my photos of Istanbul & Isle Of Skye, Scotland. The one week long journey so far stretches me to many fragments of my being, I fell in love with Istanbul while Scotland mesmerized me.







(Isle Of Skye, Scotland)




(Istanbul, Turkey)


I will update my blog with my travel diary and experience when I come back to India. Until then, adieu.

My Recent Works

Notes To Myself : A Tale, A Pain, A Death

"When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth, but find it in the hearts of men."

- (As reads the epitaph of Jalal-ud-din Muhammed Rumi)


Alas!
You have shattered
The beautiful world
With the brazen fist;
It falls, it is scattered.

-(Goethe's Faust, lines 1607-11)



On the thirteenth day of her demise, when thirteen brahmins ate the sacred meal, I finally gathered the strength to write at least that which can be called her obituary. My paternal aunt (bua) passed away on the day of 31st July, leaving a never-ending pain on my soul which I know time can never heal.

Being the resident of same town, a close relationship germinated between me & her. I can still recall my early childhood which used to pass within the warm walls of her home. In fact, it was she who gave me the identification : my first name - Amit. Later, I was to ask her, while the question really bothered me during my early teen-age, meaning of my name. I remember, she told,' It means limit-less, so you are going to be.' This was the only lie that I knew she told me. I am not limit-less, never even going to be. I believe it was a lie to quench a boy's curiosity. Being born on the ominous date of 13th & growing up watching horror movies like 'Friday The 13th', I always felt that fate has parted ways with the boy who is born on such inauspicious date. But there was she, who not only filtered my infant mind of such vague ideas but also in some way taught me never to trust the numerological & astrological absurdities. Though she never felt herself that this was the beginning of my atheism which later was to grow into agnosticism, thanks to the numerous dead spirits. She laughed when a teen-age boy, born on 13th, refused to attend any pooja activites during diwali. Her laugh was a consent, for instead of preventing my own cultivation of ideologies, she stood against the whole family to spare me & let me do what I want.

Ironically, I became the center of her motherly love, for her only son was born mentally retarded. This mishap, I feel, forced her to grow me in the way what she preferred or else what I preferred. While my mother was preparing for my sister's birth, she brought me with herself to her home until the delivery. This temporary stay was to last for two years. The only mother I knew until then was she. My naughtiness reached to its fullest in her home, pulling her hairs with all the strength I got while reciting the poem which my uncle taught me. My uncle during all this act used to laugh merrily, for I was doing what he always wanted to do. Throwing the neighbor's two year old child in drain, I faintly remember, was my favorite.

Twenty five years later I was to witness her grasping for every breath in the dark corner of Intensive Care Unit of hospital.

Putting in the words of Nietzsche - the idyllic tendency of the opera, she became my confidant, hearing all the stories of my girl friends. Turning the tide she always would,' why are you fooling them ?'. & I would laugh on her innocent remark. I was to discover later in the words of Carl Jung - mater spiritualis, which gradually and innocently she became for me, efforting to prevent her son to commit any sin, which I never did.

Though I never live to eat but I must say that she was the best cook I ever knew. I used to arrive at her place without even informing her exactly at the time of lunch. I remember her getting angry, of my coming without any prior notice, though I had taught her how to use a mobile phone. But I knew she used to love my home coming, informed or uninformed. On the thirteenth day when I ate what others called the sacred meal, I knew, it was the last meal I was treating at her place. With every bite, I ate the solitude created by her absence. Au contraire, it increased. Stealing the glance of everyone I conflated my lone tear with her unseeable presence.
She suffered from severe arthritis which followed her like a ghost for six years. Having sought to the refuge of every specialist doctors in this case with her, I never managed to get her rid from this painful physical state. Some twenty days ago, she barely survived a major cardiac arrest which led her to begin a journey which was to end in death. Doctors informed me of multiple diseases apart from cardiac related, I knew then that she wont last long. For seven dreadful days, I stood by her bed, while she dozed in coma, unaware of my presence.

I felt for the first time that Assagiolian egg diagram is all wrong, for he forgot to mention the space occupied in our 'self' by those whom we love. Their departure creates a vacuum within us which can never be occupied, reminding us from time to time of their 'once-existence' by those small things which we inevitably tend to associate with them : memory. Her demise reminded me of my own, for I have also to go one day, induction of love for life rather then the fear of death. Things are never going to be same again. I miserably accept that it is not the death of our loved ones which causes pain but it is the shattering of our mirage : that every thing is permanent. She taught me even with her death.

The quintessence of all religions : fear of death. Exploitation of humanity on the name of surviving in some other world, waiting for day of judgment, the vague desire of humanity, which even Godard moans in his film 'À bout de souffle' : 'I want to be immortal. '
If Michel Foucault is correct when he says ,'Man is an invention of recent date', then it may be also correct in finding the answers to all the curious questions of death, which is yet to happen, one must investigate the recent date itself. Simply put, the question of future can be answered in present.
But what if science wins over death, as it has always been put into effort by the means of alchemy. If it happens, I doubt, there would be any trace left of religion. The immortal man, I suppose, cannot be religious. But would it pose another threat, as in Kafkaesque 'Metamorphosis' Gregor Samsa wakes up from a nightmare finding himself being transformed into a giant beetle, causing a disgrace to his whole family, an outcast. The science made immortal man would be far different from what we are today, unlike Gregor Samsa, but very much like a giant beetle. Neither there would be any Nietzsche's Übermensch in this scientific expedition. Whatever there would be, I may not live to see it.

Her death struck the very roots within myself, which was unwittingly growing into such ideas of immortality. I feel that I am being lessoned in the most vital chapter with her sad demise : immortality can be achieved only by mortality. Just like, she will live within me, always & I am dead within her.

The boy born on August 13th 1980, turns 27 years old today.

My 25 Odd Observations Of Myself

1. The way for me to live is to have no way.

2. People dying around reminds me of my own death. Rather, it makes my love for life stronger than to fear death.

3. I drag myself to the point where I don't condemn myself for my feelings, even when they are condemnatory.

4. I stutter when I am not in rhythm of myself.

5. I witness my breath when I lie down on my bed. It keeps me awake while I sleep.

6. When I see my mind, its purely gibberish & non-sense.

7. I cannot be more than what I am this moment.

8. If I have wings & I don't fly, the fault is all mine.

9. I expected those things from others that I never expected myself to do.

10. While talking to someone I feel like I am talking to myself.

11. There is always a difference in 'I should do', 'I want to do' & what 'I do'.

12. I thought that I know what is silence. I was stupid to have thought that.

13. When I sing I feel ecstasy. I forget myself when I sing. In other words, forgetting myself is ecstasy.

14. Boredom for me is getting tired of my thoughts.

15. I look into someone's eyes , I feel he is like me.

16. I think I know how to find 'it'. Stop looking for 'it'. I am not sure.

17. My opinions keeps on changing especially when they are about others.

18. When I say 'I disagree', I want to exhibit myself.

19. Mostly, the fault I see in others are all mine.

20. I feel lazy when I start making a list of 'things to do'.

21. I boast about the things which have occurred on their own.

22. I love. 'Who ?' is irrelevant.

23. When I say there is a God, am I not hiding my fear ?

24. I look stupid when I want to impress someone.

25. Are these statements a ploy to show my wisdom ?